Rondomi

I'm trying to figure out what to think or do here. This may be just a vent.

I have three friends, each opposed to Marxism-Leninism. Two of them live in Russia and one of them is from a family that immigrated to America from China, and has been to China. They each hold negative views of China, Russia, and the USSR. My Chinese friend and one of my Russian friends are anarchists. My other Russian friend is an authcom, but not a "tankie" or "Stalinist". They're each queer and disabled as I am, and I would sell my life for any and all of them (which means less than it sounds, I'm not confident that I may live much longer). I, however, am a white American who has never left my continent. To them, I'd be a westen tankie, and I've heard a couple of other Russians complain about "western tankies" before.

It got me thinking if they think that we, in the US, practice our own form of "American Exceptionalism" by talking about our country as though it's worse than all others, including the ones wronging them. I put "American Exceptionalism" in quotes because the fact that the US is the worst country by a large margin isn't up for debate. I just wonder if we have some sort of privilege. That critically supporting a place like Russia comes easier to us because we don't live in it, as two of my friends do. Do I tell them that they must support their queerphobic country against us? It's the right move, yes. Easy for me to say. But convincing them of that is something I can't attempt without risk to their mental health.

The first, the anarchist, supports Ukraine and believes that Putin is targeting it out of a power-hungry desire for expansion. They believe they may have lost a friend in Kiev. While I worry about their own safety every day. We're both on social security, yet I'm not sure how long mine will last or the country sustaining it, meanwhile Russia's swelling public sector probably means good thing for those on social security there. The point is, I don't think I'm in any position to talk to them about this.

Both Russians harbor hatred against what they call the "genocidal regime", the USSR, because their ancestors faced antisemitism from Soviet officials, which seems to have occurred. I could tell them that antisemitism was everywhere, but it'd feel like a slap in the face. I was never the victim of it. I don't doubt I could know more about the USSR and the actual policies than they do much like someone from South Africa who studies Canadian history could know more about the subject than an average resident of Canada or how a doctor may know more about my body than I do, but I'm from the country where people expect us to barge in and tell foreigners what's actually what and how things work.

My Chinese friend... they're abused by their mother, whom they call a Chinese Nationalist. The thing is, my friend condemns the Uyghur genocide and those who deny it exists. Including their mother. ...When I was very young, I believed in Santa Claus. My highly abusive dad didn't. He was right on this issue, and I was wrong. Sometimes it's like that. But being a progressive and accepting that your abuser is correct on a vital issue that you were dead certain of is a bitter pill to swallow.

We must oppose relativism. In the UK, at least at one point, Marxist parties rejected trans people like myself, while anarchist and social democratic groups were more welcoming. That doesn't mean, by any means, that the latter groups had better positions on economics or class than the former. But what would I say back then to a fellow trans individual who had faced abuse from Marxists?

I messaged someone about this before and they said the best thing I could do would be to perhaps leave well enough alone. Converting isn't my job. There are plenty of MLs in the global south perhaps better equipped to handle anarchists in the global south than I. But whenever they insult "tankies", they insult those in the global south who principally oppose the US and it makes me sad. And it sucks because they're very dear friends to me. So I'm in an awkward position. Has anyone else been in such a position before? There was a post before about someone with a classmate from China who believed US propaganda.

"To let things slide for the sake of peace and friendship when a person has clearly gone wrong, and refrain from principled argument because he is an old acquaintance, a fellow townsman, a schoolmate, a close friend, a loved one, an old colleague or old subordinate. Or to touch on the matter lightly instead of going into it thoroughly, so as to keep on good terms. The result is that both the organization and the individual are harmed. This is one type of liberalism." -Mao Zedong.

I'm tired. I'm tired and I'm sad. I lost a friend because I was advocating against telling people to vote for those who have slaughtered and terrorized their friends and families.

I used to vote blue. I could see where they were coming from, the feeling as though you're contributing to saving lives. The desire for reprieve from the Republicans. If the democrats were truly the lesser evil then I'd vote for them. I'd encourage activism, yes, but I'd vote. It's not as hard for me as it is for less privileged people.

But... https://thebaffler.com/latest/democrats-are-the-real-party-of-war

Time after time, I've given them my vote, and they terrorize other countries. The terror is only redirected. It isn't gone, it isn't even mitigated. By voting for the democrats, I stab the global south in the back. Another friend of mine tried to frame this as a trolley problem. But here's the problem.

These politicians are fucking liars. I can't tell how many people there are on either track. Or even if there are different tracks. Even if the DNC was more proactive about fighting the GOP, then the lever merely determines the trolley's speed. So there I was, seen as a traitor to queer people. And I'm really, really sad. All because I refused to encourage people to vote for the aesthetics of a better USA.

There are so many variables involved that there's objectively a lesser evil among the two, I'd argue. The problem is they're liars. I don't know which it is. And either way I'd still be voting for the slaughter of innocent lives, domestically and abroad. They're too evil. And I'm too sad.