Or whoever those people are

Screen against chest or you are going to have it swing away from you.

Shave it yourself before the appt

I still have my wife do babysitter coordination, to avoid me having to get the numbers of a bunch of teenage girls and texting them.

This is the onion, it's all satire

Grapefruit can put up a bit of a fight.

Severance therapy

Just get a wing nut socket/driver and treat them like any other nut.

How many sets of mammaries?

Yes, mostly I just need to manage my allergies.

That's when you blame it on the damn electric toothbrush

I was hoping it was a Kia