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He's vaguely cat shaped

I never saw my parents together so for embarrassingly long I believed they didn't know each other at all.

I was a flower girl in my father's wedding at the age of 7. Bet his missis wasn't delighted but her crotch goblins were not out of the nappies yet. The party was fab tho, proper village long table with prolly about hundred people in the middle of nowhere with a lot of live music, food and vodka.

I was in my teens (living with my grandma the whole life) when my mother asked if I want to come to the nearest town for family photos on Saturday and I said yeah no, it's sauna day you know. Turned out I missed my mother's wedding because I had to wash my hair. Still joined them in the afternoon for my mom's birthday and as it turned out the afterparty. So yeah, technically I have attended both my parents' weddings.

In real life I don't have downstairs neighbours, I live above a shop. The next door ones don't have pets. I do have a real ghost of a cat tho. Very comforting. Never seen it but it sometimes sleeps by my feet, and sometimes it bats small things around, like pushes tweezers off the table or a comb and such.

In my dream it wasn't the thought of cats in my room that freaked me. I love cats, it started like spinster's idyll. It was that little hand on my shoulder and scraggy voice what caused the panic. That raccoon yipped and snarled and resisted when I yeeted it's ass out, but never attacked or threatened me.

All the signs of becoming sentient

Thank you, it's the sweetest!!!

I'll take a cat sticker please, thankyouverymuch!

Beetroot is well known stool softener, in liquid and solid form. To keep regular, one should consume beetroot salad or soup once or twice a week.

It's two cats. I stumbled on a meme based on this pic and the OOP commented how weird but fun it is to see the pic in the wild.

Had one of those electric bug zappers on the wall at work what was hooked to a wall switch. I taped it in ON position with a note 'keep on' and every once in a while some eager closer picked off the tape to switch it off along with the other ones in the row.

My alarm cannot be anything with a real melody or I will hum it for hours on. I use some default tune what's more of a trill, does the job. My text/email alert used to be popping the bottle cap sound, my current phone has some brrp noise close enough to a fart to make me giggle - I'm old but not mature.

As for ring tones, I used to purchase some for pocket change from the last page of the tv guide. All fun and games until all the old relatives started dropping like flies. It just doesn't feel right to get an invitation to another funeral preceded by the Scissors Sisters 'I don't feel like dancing' or Eamon's 'fuck you'. For a long time my ring tone was the old school land line ringing. From the moment I was able to choose the ring tone from my playlist it has been 'Heavy Cross' by Gossip. I feel it's suitable for all occurrences while being only mine.

What's wrong with pal, mate?

Only buy items on sale if you actually use them. You can get bowling shoes 2-4-1 but if you don't bowl, what's the point? I knew a man who ordered two air guns (bb guns for Americans?) for the price of one because of savings but conveniently forgot he only has one hand so he won't shoot like ever, but c'mon, savings