Sombyr

Depends. Nicer to men? Probably. Nicer to women? Hell. No.
Can't count how many times I've seen people call out things like body shaming of men, but do the same thing to women and suddenly it's a "natural expression of human sexuality."

I suppose it's just the end result of any community dominated by an extreme majority of men, but it sure as hell doesn't feel good and has made me heavily consider deleting my account and just finally giving up on social media entirely.

Most of the time, it feels to me just like a logical conclusion. Like "hmm, yes, this person has traits I generally find attractive. I am thus attracted to them."
There's of course a physical attribute to it too, where I feel strongly drawn to the person, but it feels more like the result of the previous logical conclusion rather than the source of the attraction itself.

The one and only exception to this that I've experienced thus far was my attraction to my wife. It was an instant click. My first thought after meeting her was that I needed to get closer with her. It's worth noting I didn't actually know what she looked like yet (we met online) and barely knew anything about her personality besides she was funny and apparently had similar hobbies to me (though I didn't know which hobbies, I'd just been told that.)
I didn't connect it as attraction at first though, because I'd never experienced attraction like that before. I just wanted to be really good friends with her. I was really happy whenever she showed up. I enjoyed every conversation I had with her way more than it felt like I should.
Then slowly those feelings grew, never changing, only getting stronger. At a certain point, when I started to realize every second I was away from her, I was wishing she was there, and every time I was sad or upset about something, she was the one I wanted to go to for comfort, it finally clicked that I was attracted to her, at least in some way.
It wasn't until we were already dating that it finally fully clicked that I'd been in love with her the whole time.
Physically I'd say my attraction to her felt... I guess like heart burn? That's the closest physical sensation I can think of. Like that, but not painful. Like a fullness in my chest every time I thought about her.

Also as far as chemistry and attraction goes, definitely different things. There are people I've been attracted to that I meshed horrifically with. Just because I like certain traits in theory doesn't mean I could actually stand those traits in practice.

Bear in mind what you're about to read is the ramblings of an autistic women. I may be a woman, but the world still looks a lot different through my eyes than it does to other women, so take what I say with a grain of salt.

Anyway, definitely not too late to date. That part's simple to answer.

As far as losing weight, depends really on how much you weigh as for how it'll effect your dating options. For men, I think gaining a little muscle is more important than losing fat. Even if you weigh quite a lot, if you've got a bit of muscle showing through there will be women who find you attractive. I can't speak for all women, but to me, it's more attractive when a guy's body shows that they're thinking about their health than it is when a guy has a traditionally attractive physique. In other words, a little muscle shows you're putting work in regardless of if you're successfully losing much fat. You'll probably inevitably lose some fat anyway if you gain some muscle, because it speeds up your metabolism.
In the end though, physical appearance isn't as often important to women as it is to men. If you've got a personality that meshes well with somebody, they'll probably like you anyway.

What you're doing to meet people is good, but another good way to find people Imo, is through your hobbies. Although that can be tougher if all your hobbies are male dominated. Even if you do meet women into it in that case, I speak from experience when I say we're expecting to be approached and tend to already have our rejection locked and loaded. If that's the case, I'd say the best option is to wait and see if they show interest in you first.

Making more friends is also good. Besides the fact that it's good for your mental health, they can also introduce you to people, and somebody who knows you well is gonna be way better at finding people who will match well with you than anything like dating apps or searching aimlessly. I was introduced to my wife by a friend. They didn't even intend it as a romantic setup, they just thought we had a lot in common and would make good friends. The romance happened to blossom from that.

I'd end this off by telling you it's good to learn to be happy being single, but I know that's harder than it sounds, and sometimes you can't manage it until you've already been in and out of a serious relationship or two. Do take care of your mental health though. A happy man is an attractive man.

I get what you're saying, but like OP I'm the kind of person who can call myself beautiful but also have self esteem issues. In my case, it's because I know it's objective fact that people keep telling me I'm attractive, but I can't see myself that way. Like, maybe I'm just surrounded by really supportive people who can ignore my shortcomings easier, and one day I'm going to be exposed to the fact that it turns out the majority of the world thinks I'm ugly.

It'd feel like dismissing everyone who's ever been attracted to me to not admit that on some level I must be attractive, which would be rude, but at the same time I need people to know I can't see what they see.

Meanwhile I'm too autistic to tell when they AREN'T happening, and just keep talking until somebody respectfully tells me to shut up an take my turn.

Come to think of it, I don't think I've ever seen anyone actually ask somebody to leave where I'm from. If it gets too late and our guests are still there, guess they're staying the night. Luckily, most people leave before then.
I've lived most of my life in tiny Vermont villages, for context.

When I was little, I had times where I just straight up slept at the dinner table because I refused to eat. My parents learned quickly that if they didn't want me to starve to death, they were gonna need to make foods I actually liked.
Once they'd been doing that for a while, I got a lot more open to trying new foods, even ones I didn't like before, because now everyone else was eating and enjoying food I didn't have and I wanted to be a part of that. Didn't make me automatically like everything, but it did open me up to a lot of healthier options.

Don't even have to be that old to experience that. There's this weird phenomenon where if you're born at the tail end of the 90s, anyone born 2000 onward feels infinitely younger, even if the actual age difference is only a few years.
I was born 1998 and I still look at anybody born in 2000 like "you've gotta be 12 years old max."

I sort by active because the slower flow of content helps me avoid a social media addiction. I just check the few posts that hit the top of my feed every day, then exit Lemmy for the day.

Fun fact, you can still hallucinate with aphantasia. Or so I've heard at least. I guess hallucinating and imagining with the mind's eye must work with different mechanisms.

I've always heard other women have this problem, but I've personally only ever experienced it with expensive brands like designer stuff, which designers for some reason think all women are so tiny that their size 18 should only be just barely big enough to fit a middle school girl.
Cheap stuff, especially stuff I find at walmart and such, seems extrodinarily consistent, to the point where I just pick up my size or one higher if they don't have it, and don't even bother to check if it fits.

Shoe sizes however... I'm 99% sure those are supposed to be standard, and yet I've found size 9s and size 12s that were the same size. Got sick of it and now I only buy men's shoes unless I need something fancy. Even then, logger boots are fancy enough to me.

Perhaps this will enlighten you:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ZVwFa-Fz5Q

And in case you don't feel like watching that: It's a meme harkening back to the stupidity displayed on a well known tumblr post, one of the many displays of which was somebody insisting 2 was odd.

Also see this Ace Attorney version, which is hilarious and the first place I'd heard of it:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IFcyYnUHVBA