You got this. Adrenaline is fuel for the fire.
TangledRockets
joined 1 year ago
Fuck off with that shit. ACAB
This all rings incredibly familiar to me. I was diagnosed a couple of years ago, mid 30s. Like you, I didn't want to be labelled, I was skeptical of medication, of being judged or ostracised.
But the liberation of learning that I wasn't broken, wasn't useless and lazy, that there was a reason for all of the things tearing me apart every day, was indescribable. Just getting the diagnosis did so much for my outlook and approach to life.
And the meds. I took the first baby dose and it was like the sun came out for the first time in 30 years. They didn't make me 'normal', didn't take away any part of my 'self', it was more like opening valves in my mind which had never been more than a quarter open before. Ever drive a car with a couple of cylinders not firing? Get those sparkplugs replaced and see what it does. Full throttle is amazing.
I don't tell people I have a diagnosis unless I think it's relevant. But I can be more honest and open about my peculiarities than I could before - and noone cares! Diagnosis, medication, these are between you and your doctor. But if it gives you the freedom to live the way you want, it's all worth it.
Not a woman, but every word here strikes home. Noone cares that you're breaking until you break.
Have you read the articles of the genocide convention?
I'd laugh if I wasn't living this every day. The squiggle is uncomfortably accurate.
Damnit
Oh and as mentioned below, rock climbing/bouldering is fucking great. Go hang out at a gamified problem solving gym and you will exercise til you wish you could make yourself stop.
My method for hacking my brain is wakeup exercise. Finding a short exercise which I can do faster than I can talk myself out of it. I started with 5 pushups. That's all. A tiny number, 10 sec exercise which I do as I get out of bed in the morning.
The important part is not to "push the envelope" or whatever. The amount of exercise should be small enough that it doesn't bother you. And only do the exercise today. Don't think about yesterday, don't think about tomorrow. You only have to exercise once. Today. Easy. 10sec, 30sec, whatever. Then move onto whatever weird and cool shit you wanna do with the rest of your day knowing that you have exercised.
I feel like I'm cheating, cos it's so simple yet so effective. I now do a lot more than 5 pushups, but the concept hasn't changed.
I literally said "Neo-liberal" in my comment. Please work on your reading comprehension before cursing out your fellow lemmings.
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When it hit me, it hit me like a truck. I was diagnosed around 35, and after bouncing through the relief, euphoria, and anger (pretty much as OP described them) I was hit with a crushing sense of loss - I literally felt as though someone close to me had died - but who? I was fortunately in therapy as part of my diagnosis, and it took the doctor to say "Who died? You did." for me to understand. The person I lived my entire life as had ceased to exist - that was a very unhappy person, constantly struggling, constantly suffering for reasons they couldn't see. But it was me, and now they were gone. It was a brutal experience, but it gave me the freedom to start redefining my life.