cameleon

So basically the title, my family is not emotionally open and often cold toward me showing love to them. They never answer to I love yous. I am really into showing love to people I love. I know they love me but they don't show it. I feel always rejected when I show a little love and getting nothing back though I know I shouldn't expect anything back and plus I understand they are emotion-shy so not take it to heart. But in some way it disturbs my Buddhist learning because I don't know if I could handle people not showing compassion if I show them compassion. What's your take on it?

I am diagnosed with bipolar disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder and disturbed attachment. I was on Sertraline 50mg, Lamictal 75mg, Lithium 1200mg Olanzapine 30mg, Loxapinze 50mg.

I saw a nutritionist who told me to reach out to another psychiatrist for a second opinion especially on the Olanzapine which made me gain 44kg over a year. The nurse was infantilizing and told me in general people only gain 5kg with antipsychotics. What a bunch of bullsh*t. My psychiatrist only tried Risperdal and Quetiapine as others solutions and told me "well it didn't work so we go back to Olanzapine". I can't afford the other psychiatrist I saw so I sent an e-mail telling her I refuse to take another antipsychotic ever again.

Thing is the other psychiatric I saw prescribed me mirtazapine and I am already on Sertraline which also plays a huge role in weight gain

I'm just tired I used to accept I preferred being on the bigger side and being mental health vs being thin and ill. But I don't think like that anymore my physical health is as much important as my mental health. I want to fuck shit up and stop everything but I know I'll end up in the hospital or dead because of the withdrawal. So I patiently wait for my next psych appointment to see if she is willing to make the changes.

For those who both were on antipsychotics and antidepressants, which is the worse for weight gain? Is it more manageable on antidepressants?