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Shit, that actually sounds nice but my initial response is "What do you have to gain?" In case it's not obvious, I'm not a very open person in the way that would develop intimacy between myself and others. I try to keep things distant, unless you are a partner of mine, then I try to grow closer, but making friends is hard for me.

Why do you define your social circle with those specific words and what have they done for you? Or am I looking at it wrong?

I've read that book three times growing up at different ages. I still feel that I would have to essentially "mask" or fake my personality in order to truly be a "good" friend or be seen by most. I find that I automatically trend towards negativity and destruction in my life, but I realize I can change the trajectory of that at any given moment. That moment was a few days ago.

It's hard to say. Humans are the epitome of change and impermanence. It seems more likely that I (and all of humanity) will go through changes our whole lives. There is nothing we can do about it but to accept it. My perception of reality is that its cruel. Similar to how the world of Berserk by Kentaro Miura is set up. I don't necessarily feel stuck in my ways, as I have recently discovered that I am a creature of habit, but I can overcome that with enough effort, and direct it towards a positive change.

Let me make a fake discord before going further. What would the benefits of the social circle be? Just curious about your perspective.

I've one cat that I shared with an ex, and she took him when we split up. I loved him to death. I realize I am more of a cat person than dog person. Simply for the hygienic reasons of it.

This is hilarious because I'm actually deeply interested in spirituality and philosophy. I love to think about the world and beyond. I don't really concern myself with other humans, and when I find I do, I end up presenting a tattered mess as a result. Mostly gossiping etc, nothing truly productive.

I don't know how to anymore. I am socially awkward and it's difficult for me to unmask myself around others that I don't fully trust. Once you get to know me, I'm fairly a huge chatterbox depending on the subject, otherwise, I just come off extremely aloof

I will try to sell some items I own, as I am currently in between jobs and my cars registration is going to expire in a few weeks. Otherwise, what I usually do nowadays is make coffee, eat barely food as I am dead broke, go to the gym, work out for 3 hours and play video games or browse the internet. I am trying to stop consuming so much adult content as well, as I realize it's shaping an unhealthy mind for me to hold.

How do you mean detect it? Do you mean to ask why I cant detect most of my problems because I seemingly automatically engage in self destructive or self sabotaging behaviors. I've tried therapy in the past, and its truly helped alot. I will look more into it as I age.

And no, I burned the bridges. I made a huge deal over social media, essentially crashing out in front of all my friends with my manic posts about toxicity and snake-y friends etc. You get the picture. It was so unattractive what I was doing at the end of the day. It was tough to think about.

Don't get me wrong, I still have the majority of them on social media, but when I try to reach out or something similar, I'm met with "read" or "delivered" for long periods of time without any reciprocation. It's tough to think about.

I have stopped cheating a while ago. It was helpful in helping me see where I was going wrong. But I have done so much else and so much damage to many lovers, I can't stand who I see in the mirror.

I'm unsure if you're an actual person or a lemmy ai bot or something. I feel horrible mainly because these were all friends I grew up with and they are overlapping social circles where I made my name live in infamy for the time being.

I'm unsure if I see people as a burden, rather than seeing myself under the very same light. It has something to do with self-persecutory thoughts or similar. I'm still working through out.

Now that I'm all alone, I truly see how useful it is to have people around, for different reasons.

Not only that, but having left emotional and mental scars on the women I've loved. I feel terrible overall.