First time I have proper memories was nursery so 3-4 I remember standing off by the side watching all the other kids wondering why they were able to have fun so easily.
Relatable. This sounds like autism to me. My limited early memories (not the first) are this way too. Felt like an outsider my entire life, still do.
I never got diagnosed, my best friend since I was 1 who worked with autistic people diagnosed me in my mid 20s and I was very offended. Then a whole bunch of life crisis stuff happened in my mid 30s and I looked into it for real this time, took a bunch of online tests out of curiosity and there it was, autistic. It explains so much of what’s “wrong” with me and why I can’t just be like everyone else.
I’m female so a lot of shit just gets swept under the rug especially growing up in the 90s where females can’t have neurodivergence it’s a disruptive rich white boy problem (in america).
Given the timeline america is on I don’t want an official diagnosis, it won’t give me anything but more trouble. And I’d have to pay handsomely for the pleasure of opening myself up to discrimination and worse.