kruffa

joined 9 months ago
[–] kruffa@beehaw.org 1 points 2 days ago (1 children)

So, here we go...

My short list of things that seem to have turned things around for me:

  • Finding 1 thing to have as a foundation for every day. 1 habit to get going. For me it works like a very basic routine (that I can anchor other stuff on) and also thermometer for how I'm doing. Somehow I decided to teach myself to make my bed every day. Roughly 6 years in I still have to think about doing it almost every time. And if I realise around noon that I haven't made my bed it makes me realise that I'm having, at least, a bad day!
  • Caring for something that is alive. I stumbled onto a cheatcode: I became a parent. But what really made the biggest difference was being able to keep houseplants alive! A child is somehow too obvious. I guess pets fill the same place. Or a neighbour that needs stuff from the store, whatever, just something that is alive that you care for in some way.
  • This self-compassion workbook is what finally tipped the scale for me. While it seems to be easy for me to fall into depression at any point in my life, being aware of the idea of self-compassion makes it solo much easier to climb out.
  • Going and moving around outside as often as possible. Walking, biking, swimming, skipping.
  • Intermittent fasting has helped me a lot (I do the "easiest" 16/8), not to loose weight or whatever health benefits people ascribe to it, but to notice time and to make it harder to keep my food addictions going as hard (like stuffing myself at night after a whole day of not being able to get up from the sofa to eat).

And by "turned things around" I mean that I've managed to raise the floor of my personal hole enough so that my every day life actually kind of works. My economy is not wrecked. I have friends that call/text me to socialise and not only to keep tabs on me or check that I'm still around. I'm making plans for the future-future (so like 1-3 years not only for today or this week), stuff like that.

I'm not "cured", I still get depressed for months some times, but it's months and not years. And I let myself be depressed, for whatever reason there is this time, rather than bash myself for being depressed.

Sorry, this turned out more bloggy and preachy than intended. I hope you find something useful anyway :)

[–] kruffa@beehaw.org 2 points 3 days ago (3 children)

Since you have a good sense of "not this" I'm inclined to throw some shit at you and maybe something might stick and work out well to function as a a rebar net to get that concrete floor started so you don't have to start all the way down every fucking time.

Before I do though I wonder if you'd like to get a small list of stuffs to check out? <-- this is the actual question!

[–] kruffa@beehaw.org 6 points 4 days ago (5 children)

Well, I'd say that "not this" is quite useful and also hopeful.

From personal experience I think the biggest holes I've climbed out of didn't even give that much direction. Knowing and/or wanting anything (even if it's "not this") is a decent start.

If you keep trying to find ways to express yourself I think that you can slowly start to raise the floor of whatever hole you're in.

[–] kruffa@beehaw.org 1 points 1 month ago

Thanks, this looks promising, I'll investigate.

But also thanks for giving me the word "delayed" to use in my searches. Sometimes it's hard to remember good synonyms.

[–] kruffa@beehaw.org 1 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Thanks, but not really as the "time capsule" feature would be lost since the email would be sitting in my future-/scheduled-folder.

But in the end that might be what I end up doing if I can't find a suitable service.

 

LFS = Looking For Service

TL;DR: can you recommend me a service to send myself emails at a later date that works like a time capsule so that the email can not be deleted or seen by someone else (except the service provider obviously)?

LT;MR(= Long Text; Might Read): Lately I've been trying to pay attention to the passage of time by celebrating the solar-events (summer/winter solstice and autumn/spring equinox).

For this years autumn equinox celebration I would like myself and my guests to send ourselves an email that arrives a week before next years spring equinox to our own email addresses.

The prompt will be: What would you like to do more of this coming summer?

I understand many common email clients/providers support this natively but it's my understanding those emails end up in specific folder so they are easy to find and subsequently read and/or delete which negates the idea I want to accomplish.

So, I'm looking for a service to store and send those emails to me and my guests in time for next years spring equinox.

Thank you 🥰

[–] kruffa@beehaw.org 4 points 1 month ago

I'm still quite bad at saying no and exiting situations, but I have become much better than before.

Some things I have done and try to remember to do:

  • I practiced saying "no" to everything for a while. That was really uncomfortable!
  • Declaring that I need time to think about something (as others have said here) can be effective. Like with scams/clickbait/up-selling/etc: if the other is trying to induce urgency they most likely don't want you to think about it rationally.
  • Segway:ing into outs with the standard phrase (and a slightly rises voice): "Oh, that reminds of..." and either change the subject completely or lying about needing to go and do something else.
  • Calling people out on their bullshit but without showing any interest in talking further about it: "That is just not true", "This isn't something I want to talk about", "If you keep talking about this I will leave" and then obviously leave if necessary.
[–] kruffa@beehaw.org 4 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

I'm really not qualified in any way to state the below, just trying to draw from my personal experience and express what I think is useful and relevant in this situation.

English is not my first language

Honestly I think it is more useful and helpful to focus on the second part of the equation: exiting the situation.

Exiting situations is a tremendously useful life skill regardless of the other person(s) intentions while spotting people with bad intentions could become a burden as it might lead you down a path of mistrusting many more persons than you "need" to mistrust.

Learning to say "no" in different and effective ways is also a way to learn to say yes and will, in my experience, let you live a life closer to what you want.

I suspect that I'm still early on my path to communicate this effectively because I was not really listened to as a child, so my feelings and wishes where not seen as relevant to a situation.

As for how to do it: I don't really have anything groundbreaking to give you. But as with most things I suspect it's just practice: start saying no! And start acknowledging how you feel or felt even if it's too late to do anything about it as that can teach yourself to look for clues (inside yourself) in the future (maybe).

[–] kruffa@beehaw.org 2 points 5 months ago

I think there are a few of those, but as with everything targeted to scared relatives/caretakers it is quite expensive and hard to tell how it will age.

[–] kruffa@beehaw.org 2 points 5 months ago

Nope, that is a good point.

I think I wrote my original message in a slightly distressed state after a quite bad event where she needed to get in contact with anybody and couldn't.

After some thinking and time away from that scary incident it is quite clear that this mostly is a XY situation (as someone thought) and just getting her a bracelet for her alarm is probably as big a technological fix there can be.

[–] kruffa@beehaw.org 2 points 6 months ago

Thanks, this looks like a superfun little gadget.

Unfortunately it lacks any kind of sound output[1] so it doesn't cut it for my intended use.


[1] https://wiki.pine64.org/wiki/PineTime_FAQ#Does_PineTime_have_an_audible_beeper_or_speaker?

[–] kruffa@beehaw.org 2 points 6 months ago

Thank you, it is evident that I'm having trouble to define my needs and wants in this domain. I'm learning a lot.

Your idea is rather opposite of what I'm looking for and I apologize for not being clear enough.

It is my understanding that many of these devices are health focused but I'm not looking health stuff unless it can be relayed to and used by her professional caregivers.

I'm looking for a wearable basic phone to receive and make calls.

[–] kruffa@beehaw.org 1 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Thanks!

Yes, for sure, it's a little bit of both.

I will try to configure DND mode for her, but I'm not sure it will be enough, but it is worth a try.

The other problem about carrying it around is more difficult. She doesn't manage to carry her alarm around using a lanyard (it will be changed to a bracelet, this change is what triggered the idea to get her a wrist-phone too), so I can't imagine she will carry around her phone either. Maybe with a nice bag? Worth looking into.

Anyway, thanks for the DND suggestion, I will start with that.

 

Hello,

Edit2:

After some time has passed since the quite scary and depressing incident that happened to my mother and that promted my original post it is quite clear that this is not something that can be fixed with more technology.

There are a couple of small and reasonable adjustments that can be made but other than that this is a human 'problem' that requires humans.

So I'll try to get my mother more services with people coming to her place to help and to check up on her. I will also go there more myself and help her cook, clean, shop, etc (and ultimately I suspect I'll have to move in with her for the end of her life).

Thanks again to everyone that got involved

/Edit2

Edit:

It's evident that I’m having trouble to define my needs and wants in this domain, probably because I know too little. I’m learning a lot and hopefully I will be able to ask better questions soon.

I think that what I'm looking for is a wearable basic phone to receive and make calls.

Something like https://xplora.se/product/xplora-xgo3/ (Swedish, didn't find in Englis ) or maybe even https://www.doro.com/en-gb/products/smart-devices/smartwatch/ but with less vendor lock in.

It seems that having it be a 'real' phone is less common than I thought but connecting to another mobile device with Bluetooth is more common, and I guess functionally there isn't much difference

Obviously I don't expect to find something that fits perfectly, but by aiming high I hope to find something useful

/Edit

I've just started to look into smartwatches and wonder if you could help me with your prior knowledge and experience.

I have some things on my wishlist, but it's hard to understand if they are reasonable and what to look for in all the sales copy and vendor provided specifications.

I know basically nothing in this domain.

Extra background, for context

innehållsvarningI've started to look into smart watches as I'd like one for my elderly mother that "never" answers her phone as she somedays turns her normal phone off if too many people want to talk to her when she doesn't feel like it but more often than not she simply doesn't get to the phone in time (yes it's a mobile phone, but she uses it as an old cordless landline phone when she is at home).

The idea is to get her a smartwatch with a new number that only I, and her other caregivers and ICE contacts know about so she knows where it is (in her arm) and also knows that it's important to answer when it rings.

Anyhooo....

.

.

  • What I require:
    • phone calls and text messages by cellular tech[1] (Edit: maybe this is not as easy as I thought initially, it might be more like a wish than a requirement)
    • long battery time
  • What I wish for:
    • ability to turn stuff off (either in the stock OS or with alternative OS that is easy to install), specifically health stuff[2]
    • ability to manage the watch remotely so that I can help her keep it updated.
    • budget suggestions rather than premium.
  • What I'll avoid:
    • Vendor lock ins like subscriptions.
    • Apple products.

Well, I think that's it, thanks for reading and I'm looking forward to your suggestions and ideas.

/Kruffa


[1] I'm not sure what the correct English term is for the tech... but using a SIM-card that connects to cell-towers using GSM/edge/4G/5G or similar.

[2] It's my understanding that these kinds of watches can be used to track and monitor health statuses like SpO~2~, heartrate, etc. I don't want her to monitor those unless there is a sure way to connect them to health and/or emergency services.

 

(First post, let me know of any cultural "faux pas")

As many others I struggle with managing my day to day/week/month/year/decade, so naturally I'm looking for some kind of TODO-software.

I'm trying to find an open[1] format for todo-items and -lists that has the capability to give recurring todo:s the attribute of "droppable" so that an individual occurrence can be "dropped".

It would also be fantastic if the format has an inbuilt way to keep track of what individual occurrences have been "done" or "dropped"

This would allow me to keep track of things like:

  • Medicines: recurring (sometimes many times a day) with a fairly small window if opportunity, if I don't take them it should be noted but there is no way to do it later so it should be "dropped" from the main-list.
  • Bills: recurring with a few days of being actionable (depending on when I get paid and the bills due date), if I don't pay them it should be made higher priority until I pay them, this should also be kept track of.
  • Cleaning windows: recurring, with a big window of opportunity, but if this particular spring is a bad one it doesn't matter, this should be dropped and there is no need to keep track of it.
  • Things that are considered "habits" (like personal hygiene, exercise, cleaning, practicing musical instruments, etc). These should be dropped and tracked.

The goal is to be able to produce a fairly short list of things that I can[2] do right now and absolutely bury things I can't or shouldn't do.

If there isn't any decent format I will most likely just force one of the two mentioned with some kind of appropriate extension.

/Kruffa


[1] open in this context would be some kind of standard like VTODO or just openly available like todo.txt

[2] can as in MUST / SHOULD / MAY

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