I reached the point in my chronic depression that I finally needed to do something about it almost a year ago. From what you've written it sounds similar to how I was feeling. I don't know if you've tried therapy or antidepressants or anything, but I can tell you that I felt incredibly stupid for not trying them sooner and just living in misery for years.
I was lucky and Zoloft worked for me. I just stopped constantly hating myself and feeling like I was just waiting to die. I'm starting to end using it now, but I found it incredibly helpful to get a sort of "break" from the way I was feeling. It was like I was able to get my head above water and breathe again; I had been drowning in my depression for so long.
Just using my experience to say I hope you try some things and are able to find success with them. I thought I wouldn't get anything out of therapy and was skeptical about trying medications, but it happened to help me and I felt silly for waiting as long as I did to try something.
Well I was mostly looking to learn vim and was trying to use Helix as a way to do that because it looked like vim, but with a commands window that popped up to help learn the commands. They're upfront about making some breaking changes from vim though, and while I may not need to jump into a bunch of different machines that often I do like the flexibility of being able to hop into vi, vim, nvim, or some GUI editors with vim bindings relatively comfortably. So I found that LazyVim was more what I was looking for personally and nearly as easy to work with out of the box.
I am glad to see the project seems to be going strong. That was another minor concern of mine, there's little risk of vim going anywhere, but I remember being excited about the Atom editor a while back and that just kinda faded away. If it passes the test of time I'd be happy to try it again in the future. I figure it would be easier to go from vim -> helix than vice versa.