I posted this on reddit when it happened last year plus the update. Now I want some more advice. (I know I'm the asshole here)

1. My gf (f23) had a tournament last month in which she was representing our country, she asked me (m22) to go with her and I decided to do so. Now I had to pay for it myself and pretty much spend all the money I had saved to travel wirh her for a week. Being from a conservative country her federation rules don't allow for me to stay with her or anything so I had to sneak into her room all week.

I don't particularly understand her sport or like it but spent the whole day there supporting and caring for her. I was there all day, sneaked into her room at night and gave her the physical things she enjoyed most, oral, massages and shower her. This was the case for 6 of the 7 days, on the 5th day I couldnt sneak in since her team had a meeting and I couldnt get in after that.

Now that same day I had been talking to another girl who had already lost who flirted with me there while I awkwardly conversed with her. I complimented her swing and she told me its her hamstring strength and guided my hand to feel her leg. Now that night when I couldnt sneak in my gf told me get a room and that she'd pay for it. I went out since I had'nt had the chance to explore the city for 4 days when I spotted the same girl at a touristy spot near the hotel, I went to say hi and she invited me to a party her team was holding at her hotel.

I went with her that night thinking I'll just get a room there after the party (turns out it was an air bnb), as the night progressed we were flirting and ended with her laying on me on a beach chair topless. She then went to her room and told me to come with, I told her I'll be there and then just left the place and went to the same hotel my gf was staying and got a room for the night.

I didn't see the girl after that and my gf had a great tourny, we returned and the last 3 weeks have been so good with her. I've never thought my gf was into me before this, it's like a switch turned and now we're really having fun together. She's going out of her way to do smth nice for me.

I spend all day feeling like shit over what happened on the trip, I told myself I didnt do anything so it's ok but I know I'd count this as cheating. Idk if I should tell my gf when everything is so good rn and she seems so happy.

I know Im the asshole, this is the worst thing I've done in my life and i deeply regret. I dont know whether to break up with her and save her the pain or tell her.

What should I do

tell her or

break up giving lack of connection and sharing very little in common as the reason?

2. So after the absolute fuckup of a situation we were in, I made it worse by ghosting my gf (f23) for a few days until she just showed up at my place VERY pissed. At this point she didn't know what had happened but she was mad at the ghosting and cry/ yelled at me for 5 minutes which I just took bc what fucking right do I have to object at this point. I then told her all that happened and I have not seen anyone look at me the way she did as I spoke, I couldn't look at her face while I spoke. She continued crying and just sort of scurried out of my place. I didn't have the balls to go stop her or anything.

I woke up next morning to 3 missed calls from her at 4 in the morning. So I went to her place before work but she wouldn't open the door and I just swallowed all self respect and begged her while literally standing outside. Rather humiliating situation but can't imagine what she's going through. We've since texted and called where all I do is beg. She then told me to come over, I did go with flowers, but she again didnt open her door and I talked to her through the door.

The same night she called me at 3 and I picked up and she was just crying and said some rather personal stuff that made me really sad (mostly just hating herself). I went to her place AGAIN at like 3.30 and this time she let me in, we hugged and cuddled for like an hour but she was absolutely mute and still as a dead fish. I naturally fell asleep and was woken up by her asking for sex (had her hand in my pants already). I turned her down which only led to more crying, she pretty much kicked me out but I was too tired to drive and slept in my car, she came woke me later and took me inside, again without saying a word.

Last night she called me again and said I love you (first time). Also kept asking who I was sleeping with, I literally went to her place again to prove I wasn't since a video call wasn't enough, slept at her place again.

We haven't talked about whether or not we're over or not but I think with the I love you, the cuddling and sleeping together we have a good chance.

Our relationship was SO good before I ghosted her.

Idk if this is a happy ending or not. I wanna know how I can help her trust me again, feel secure in our relationship, stop hating herself over my actions and fix this allround mess.

And now:

Over the last year we've stayed together mostly due to the fact that I have done a lot of work for our relationship, I've tried to be as good a boyfriend as I could. I've met her parents and they like me, one of her brothers does too. A couple of her friends hate me tho and they're the ones who know the story.

Now she's been quite short tempered, accusatory and emotional at most times. It's not like that's all we have, we mostly have fun together but it can get ugly sometimes and there's quite a few triggers. I'd say maybe 5-7 times a month. I'm still begging, still apologizing but it feels tiring now. I do it bc I feel like I have to. Recently I've considered breaking up over it but how can I. I don't feel like I have any right to.

She came back from another tournament 2 days ago having won and is over the moon, but she was still very suspicious of me while she was there and the night of her return after we celebrated she accused me of cheating again. It's getting tiring. I know it's more difficult for her obviously but I feel like she's just rubbing that in my face and making me feel bad about it all the time, which I should and do, but why do it anytime we're happy.

So my question is: Should I actually break up now despite all the effort we put in? After all we've been through together.

i (m28)'ve known this girl(f23) only for weeks, we've matched on tinder, and decided to meet, some of back story, i am a man that rarely open up my heart to other girl, but when i open it, i opened it as wide as i can, i only have 2 past relationships before this..

the first meet (30 December 2023) we,'ve talk alot about our backgrounds, we are having fun, at least ive seen it from her gesture that she's having fun and we laughed a lot, we've talked about our past relationship, and how our past relationship ended, she told me once that her past relationship ended on September 2023 after 9 years because on the last moment the relationship becomes so toxic that she can't hadle it anymore, and we've talked about our love languange and what treatment that we love to receive. the first met was great, she even invited me too her event to celebrate on new years eve with her friend at some club,

the 2nd meet(1st January 2024) before i tell you our 2nd meet, ill give you some story before it. ok you guys already know that she invited me to her event, but unfortunately i cant join her because i already have plans with my friend that i already arrange far before matched with her on tinder. so i texted her that i cant attend her invitation, she's lil bit sad and said she's okay with that, ok so we celebrate our new years eve seperately with our own plan, we've texted each other a little bit, she even text me some wishes and new years eve message on 12am and she said what she really wish we could be together to celebrate new years eve,

skip to around 5am, she texted me that she want to meet me, she's begging me to hug her, and she told me that this is not some drunk text, so we chose one place to meet, and we meet, she said she'll be waiting me inside her car,, after i arrived she invited me to get in to her car, so. i got in. after i got into her car, we talked a little bit about how are our new years party going and having a little jokes and laughs, after that we just sit there in silence while she just hug me and lean on my shoulder, this goin around 20-30 minutes. after that we went our seperate ways to go home to sleep,

skip to around 1pm she texted me that she will go to meet her friend and she invited me again, she want to introduce me to her friend, because i already have a feeling for her i instantly accepted her invite, and we meet at some cafe at around 3pm, so she introduced me to her friends and her friends is very welcome, we talked a lot, jokes around having a lot of laugh, we driving around jump one cafe to another cafe, walking around at some side of city, and here's the thing she's already know my love language and how i love to be treated, my love language is physical touch and i love when somebody give attention to little things i care, and she show it and gave it all on our second meet, and vice versa, she said she loves it when i gave her word of affirmation and some quality time. so i gave her that, and because of that i really falling for her, it felt like everythings great, and we fell for each other,

but it all goes downhill from here. after our last met, she's been avoiding me, she took a long time to reply my messages, she didn't want to meet me, she said she's only tired and need some rest, so i gave her a time and space.. but she keeps acting like that until 4 january 2024, i confused, i missed her, i even told her that i miss seeing her, she just reply with some laugh emojis and ask why i miss her, so i called my friend to get some help, my chest is hurt so bad, my legs felt weak, i'm hungry but i can't eat, i'm tired but can't sleep, i'm stressed but playing some games didn't gave me any fun, i need to work but i can't focus, all i want to do just lay on my bed, stare blankly, sad, cry, thinking about her, so i decided to call one of my friend to get some help, and tell all my feelings. my friend encouraged me to looking for an answer, he told me to ask her why she's been avoiding me, and act this way,

so i gather all my courage, and texted her, telling her my felling for her, and asking why she act this way, and why shes avoiding me, maybe im wrong to put some pressure to her, im little bit pushy about this because i need an answer immediately because i cant live like these anymore.

at first she reply my messages , telling me that she thank me for the feeling that im telling her, and she said she was wrong, she said she felt like she didnt ready yet for new relationship, and i asked her, should i stay and wait for her to be ready, or should i go, and despite all the hopes i put on her, she didn't text me back,

so for the last part,
tomorrow morning i start my day exactly the same as yesterday, not in the mood of doin anything. till at 2pm, i already back home, just sitting on the couch hoping that she will texted me, and then she suddenly texted me, asking me why am i act like these, and i reply that i don't know, im just crazy for her, and this never happened to me before, and she immediately reply that she wants me to go and despite all the hopes i put on her, and she said good bye and she just deleted my number, i know it because we usually texted each other on WhatsApp, suddenly i felt that my heart is shattered to pieces, the pain I felt is becoming more massive , i ran to the bathroom, to cry because i dont want my brother to see me cry, i spend about 30-45 minutes in the bathroom to cry, and talking to myself, and until the time i write this story i kept thinking about her, everything that i see just kept makes me remember her, i spend my day thinking about her and really want her to come back, please help idk what to do anymore, am i going crazy? and what is this all about, and why am i like these?

edit : Pardon my english,

I’m not the best at explaining things but I’ll try here for anybody that is willing to read.

For the last year or so my coworker and I have been sort of been circling each other, doing a lot of activities together and keeping in fairly regular contact via text and calls. She and I were both coming out of relationships and not exactly ready for anything to happen immediately. But we are both very active and fit people with a lot of similar interests and we get along really great.

Eventually a mutual friend let me know that she was interested and frustrated that I hadn’t made a move on her. So on Christmas Eve She came to see me and we had an honest conversation that the attraction was mutual. We made out a little bit before she went home. Afterwards we talked about our intentions and expectations, we are both interested in a long-term stable relationship, we are both interested in getting to know the other a little bit, and agreed that we would get together In a few days. She postponed because she wasn’t feeling well but then suggested New Year’s Eve, so I waited a few days and checked in with her and she’s cancelled again saying that she would prefer to just stay home, without offering anything else, so I’ll just leave it at that for now.

I have been out of the dating game for a while so it’s just hard to play a cool just when things were starting to get spicy. Any suggestions on how to stay calm and not double text?

We met like four years ago and have gotten to know each other since then. We talk about our lives, work, struggles, relationships, video games, music, et cetera. Sometimes, though, I feel like this friendship shouldn't exist because people may find it strange that I am friends with someone 14 years older than me. What do you think?

My (mid-30s M) wife (mid-30s F) took a job that has rather extreme hours. She also has another time/location commitment as the direct consequence of some of her actions. These combined have left us with, at most, 1 hour each day during which we are both awake and under the same roof.

As you might imagine, it has put quite the strain (for me at least, she doesn't talk about it) on our quality time, conversation, interaction, romance, and amorous activities, which have become, at best: difficult, forced, unenthusiastic, and incredibly rare. She mostly spends what little time there is playing games on her phone.

I put myself in her shoes and it becomes marginally understandable: After a long and challenging day, I could see the desire to sit quietly and do an activity with/for myself rather than attend to the needs of yet another person.

But I've been having a really hard time. I am being stoic and supportive and appreciative of all that she is doing, but, under the surface, I am lonely and miss my wife and long for connection. Should I stay the course or find some way to broach the issue, adding yet another burden to her already laborious time?

I'd really appreciate hearing from someone who's dealt with/is currently in a similar situation, or anyone who has encouragement or advice, or just anything I could think about while I deal.

My friend John mentioned that he has been feeling depressed lately. There have been some bad things in his logs that would make anyone sad but the things that normally bring him happiness aren't doing anything for him lately. It's something he has struggled with in the past. He has a counselor and has been prescribed anti-depressants. I'm not worried about him harming himself.

My understanding is that part of being a friend to someone facing depression is reaching out to spend time with them.

How much should I reach out? I don't want to harass him, and he has a wife and other friends (that are emotionally closer than me). His wife for sure knows what's going on, but I'm not sure about his other friends (our kids go to the same school so I actually see him more then most of his friends).

I understand that sometimes depressed people neglect chores in their life, should I ask his wife if there's anything I could help him/them with?

My ex, 30f, and I, 32m, broke up awhile back. We have been trying to work things out tho because neither of us want to move on. She still comes over every month (we live 3 hours apart), do stuff together, etc. We have been trying to make it work, but recently (November 27th) I found out that even though she still says she loves me and wanted to make things work, she was sleeping with these 2 guys multiple times. 6 times over the course of at least 7 months, with a 7th time planned (and supposedly cancelled) for the 16th of december. I had a suspicion about it for multiple reasons, but my suspicions were confirmed when I accidentally opened discord on the laptop I recently set up for her. I saw her sending photos that I had taken of her during our trip to a fair, saying she's like to show him all her costumes in person. Seeing that, my heart sank and I started reading the entire dm, which contained them talking about meeting up, the aftermath of their meetup, her saying she missed him, and other things.. the first time they met up she had told me she was watching a movie with her family, but that was a lie. She was with him..

I confronted her about it, saying if she was doing stuff with someone else I just wanted the truth and that if she just admitted it, I wouldn't be as hurt. But she tried to beat around the bush, saying it never went beyond sexting. This was false, as I saw her and him messaging each other, with her saying what she enjoyed about their encounter.. I kept pushing, basically begging her to please be honest with me. Eventually I told her I saw the messages and asked her again, where she admitted she did. she said she had met up with 2 guys two separate times, but at first she said it was only once each. I kept pushing, and eventually she admitted it was a total of 6 times between the two guys. With one of the guys, they didn't use protection..

I know we aren't together, but we had been trying to make things work. At least I had been. She has been visiting every month (I'm not able to visit her due to my work schedule and the distance). I've always had trust issues due to how I grew up. My ex would tell me she loves me and wants things to work between us, and I'd try my best to do whatever I can for her. When she comes over, we try to cook together and do stuff together. I would pay for almost everything, and yes I'd get annoyed when she wanted to add random sweets to our groceries but I did it because I loved her. I thought she was trying to make this work, it seemed like she was, but now finding out about this.. 2 guys, 6 times, over the course of months.. she was still coming to my house every month, telling me she loved me, telling me she wants to be with me and only me, sleeping in my bed with me, being intimate with me.. we did stuff together, even if outside my comfort zone but I did so because I loved her and wanted her to be happy. 

I'm both angry for trusting anyone again, and broken because I was afraid of this happening. I've been cheated on, lied to, emotionally and physically abused, manipulated in past relationships and in my family life. And here I felt like I lost everything again.

She says she is sorry and wants to make this right, that she regrets it, but I feel so emotionally numb now. I told her that she broke whatever semblance of trust I had left, and that she'd have to work to regain my trust. She says she regrets it, and I know it's harsh, but 6 times. Six times. I know I'm not there enough for her, nowhere near as much as I want to be. But did she not regret it the first time? Or second? Third? Why try to hide it from me when I was telling her if she just came clean up front it wouldn't hurt as much. Yes it still hurt, but the fact that I had to push and pry to get her to admit it. And she says she was planning to tell me in December, yet she had another escapade planned for the 16th.

I was able to contact one of the guys and he had no idea and kept apologizing to me, telling me he hasn't deleted any of the chats so if I wanted to know anything to let him know. He blocked her on everything (and I made sure she blocked him on everything) and he told me that had he known she was actively with someone, he wouldn't have done anything with her. The other guy I haven't contacted, and tbh I'd rather not.

I can barely eat or sleep now. She said she wants to make things right, show me her phone whenever I want to prove she's being faithful now, be more honest with me, etc. but idk.. I said yes to her open phone thing, and she gave me some of her socials. Low and behold, she mass deleted stuff and mass blocked guys, saying she was scared of what I'd see, because she knows they're bad.

Long story cut alittle short, I'm a forgiving person and I CAN forgive her. I've told her she has to re-earn my trust now after everything she did to me. But now I'm extremely paranoid that she's just fucking around because the distance gives her cover. She reassures me she's not, but idk. She had been accusing me of doing the same for the past 2 years because I have a friend (21f) that has had a thing for me for a few years that I visit every few months, but I had never acted on it . My ex would get jealous that I'd see her and think we were doing stuff. Yet she was doing the very thing she was accusing me of. I've had every chance to, she does not hide that she wants me, but I've always rebuked it because I wanted to make things work with my ex and she's been respectful of that, not overstepping boundaries and telling me she wants to see my ex and I work if it'll make me happy. I've always had more of an older brother like relationship with her.

I just needed to vent and rant. At this point we are back to FWB (monogamous), while she earns my trust back. Idk if I can ever forgive her after this, and maybe I'm stupid for giving her this when she doesn't deserve it. I've been having panick attacks on and off since I found all this out. I'm in the middle of transitioning from one company to another, so that's been weighing on me too because I like the team I'm currently on but I'm trying to better my career. I was doing it to have more time to visit my ex and the possibility of a better long-term career for us. Now idk if it was worth it and it's too late to go back.

I know we weren't technically together, but she had made it clear that we were monogamous. So I didn't pursue or even try to meet anyone else, I didn't try to sleep around or anything, etc.

This was when I was unsure of myself in my transition and I will refer to this person in a gender neutral manner.

I had an ex who was into polyamory and on paper it sounded good. One of the first dates we went to a restaurant and they immediately want to flirt with someone else. They would always show interest in other people even on dates and everything was about sex. Other sexual partners of theirs would insult me because we were together. I was starting to get more uncomfortable with polyamory.

Later on we got involved with another polyamorous person who clearly was only interested in them. She was extremely rude and yelled at me at one point. My ex would ignore how she treated me. I started dropping hints of breaking up and my ex made me think they would change. They went on lying and cheating and when I found out, they accused me of being bipolar and immediately had a list of people they would date after me. I always asked their input before I made big decisions but I clearly didn't get the same courtesy despite being accused of using them.

Now I know this isn't all polyamorous people and I've been much happier without my ex. A fog lifted after they left and I feel sure of myself and the love for my hobbies again. Was I being gaslit?

Found a decision. We talked about it and apparently I'm a narcissist who causes conflict to arise just so I can shame her. I love her, but I don't think she's the one for me.

We've been together for half a year and, mostly due to circumstances, things are moving fast. We both have PTSD from a variety of events, including abusive families, past romantic and sexual relationships, and sexual violence. I've been diagnosed with ADHD and autism. She's been staying with me to avoid her abusive family. I don't mind, because I love her. However, there has been a lot of conflict lately.

• Inevitably, we trigger each other because we do not have a comprehensive list of all our triggers. When triggering her, my response has been attempts to make such a comprehensive list and keep these triggers in mind whatever we are doing, whether we are picking a film to watch or having conversations with others that veer into triggering territory. However, she hates this. She fears that I'm making a list of triggers just to use it against her. She also takes a while to recognise when she's triggered, meaning I often bear the brunt of her defensive behaviour. As well as this, she doesn't view my triggers as equally intense. Unless I'm shaking, crying, withdrawing, or having nightmares, my triggers are quirks to tease me about. It's hard not to resent her when she does this.

• She is not used to self-care. Unless we fight about it, her clothes go on the ground, used dishes stay in our bedroom, bedsheets go unwashed, and she'll often only eat what's available, even when it's long gone off. I am expected to clean up and provide food and I often do, but it's becoming a common cause of burnout for me. Although we both work, she says she does more physical labour as I am an office worker, so while I work twice as many hours, I should still have more energy to do chores.

• She doesn't recognise that I'm physically unwell. Because of my long hours and stress, my body is not doing too great and I can't make time to see a doctor. However, she still treats me like I'm physically well and when that causes me harm, acts surprised and tries to make amends, but never really acknowledges the state of my body. It's a tiring cycle and when I'm unresponsive to her attempts to make amends, she switches up and blames me for being careless enough to get hurt in the first place.

• She is not a fan of the "zombie effect" I experience when medicated for ADHD. Neither am I, but I need the medication to be able to manage myself and my responsibilities. However, she takes this up with me as though my focus and lack of excitement is a personal offence towards her and when I'm not amused by all of the points above, she believes that my sensitivity comes from a desire to hurt her, not from a place of genuine emotion. This makes conversations about everything harder, as it often becomes a debate about whether I'm genuinely emoting or just manipulating her into a state of guolt.

She says she loves me and that she will do what it takes to be with me. We have since agreed that she needs a lot of help. However, the points above are becoming a predictable pattern and I don't know if it's reasonable for me to simply take the damage she does to me up until the point she gets help and makes a lot of progress on her journey of recovery or if I should save myself the stress and leave her.

TL;DR: We had a talk because GF said she doesn't like some behavioral stuff about me. I said tell me what it is, and maybe I can work on it. She said no, changing, even just small changes, for the partner makes no sense, better find someone more "similar". It's a bad signal for me because it implies she wouldn't take compromises either. I can't see myself being with someone who can't talk about stuff like that and take compromises.

We've been together for more than a year. I haven't noticed it myself that much during that time, but we recently had a talk. She told me that she's unsure if we really fit together long term. Topics like differing interests and behaviors of me that disturb her. I told her I didn't know she dislikes my behavior for these specific cases, but if we talk about it, we can work on that. I'm happy to adjust some stuff like cleanliness at my home (we don't live together, and it's about stray newspapers, a pair of socks on the bedroom floor and the likes, for that particular case).

I thought I proposed a good and honestly quite normal solution. Talk to each other, take compromises for my partner, accept them not being perfect. Sadly, I was wrong. She proposed that she doesn't like the idea of me adjusting my own life for her sake. She also indirectly said it could be better to date someone that doesn't need compromising to fit her "needs". Obviously she didn't pick those words, but that's what I understood.

Now, I love my girlfriend and I obviously try to make it right for her. However, her not accepting that I'd change little things about my life for her sake is kind of a bad sign for me. She was so extremely against that, it makes me think she doesn't feel like taking compromises either. In fact, it's quite obvious now, she wouldn't really take a trade-off. And I'm not here for that. While I'm mostly fine the way she is right now, I don't think it's possible to be together without compromises for any couple. I thought back into the past a bit and it's true. She doesn't really do much to find compromises with me, it's basically just me who accepts her stance on whatever it's about.

Also, who happily agrees with every quirk and decision their partner has? You'll have disagreements, and sometimes it's not about who's right or wrong. You just have to talk about it and try to find a way around it. If it's a huge disagreement and there's no viable solution, fine. There are dealbreakers. But other than that, I'm sure you can find a compromise for most stuff. At least that's how it works in my mind if you really like a person.

Right now, I'm trying to find out if I really understood her correctly, but if nothing changes, I don't really see a future here. My two close friends that know about this both asked if I'm her first relationship, but I'm not. However, it from what I heard she was like that in previous relationships as well. But can't be sure.

Has this ever happened to you? Am I the weird one? Am I unfairly only telling my side of the story?

My girlfriend and I have been together roughly 4 years. Over the past two I'll admit I've been a bit complacent, i want really putting in show effort i probably showed have. Took our relationship for granted. Recently over the past year our sex life nose dived from probably once or twice a week to once a month to not at all. Granted a lot of that was caused by her depression which was exacerbated by hormonal birth control she was on. So seeking to alleviate that we took out the implant and she decided she was comfortable with getting an IUD instead and seeing if that worked. Immediately after having it put in, within a day or two, if I touched her she felt genuinely disgusted. Like a close friend was getting too handsy. She completely lost all sexual attraction to me and even hated being around me. Just looking at me or talking to me put her in a shitty mood. Within a week we took the IUD out and while there was not immediate improvement she now enjoys being around me but not be touched. I also have my reasons to believe she doesn't love me as much as she once did and is considering a breakup.

It's all just happening very fast. Her sister and I are working on compiling ways I could improve on our relationship. We've compiled date and gift ideas as well as a flowchart for how to construct a date as a surprise without giving her anxiety (what info to give her what not etc etc). I'm regularly visiting the gym mainly to blow of steam but also in hopes that I could be a bit more sexually attractive to her idk. My girlfriend and I have also talked about maybe doing couples therapy. She wants to make it work but she sometimes seems like she's gauging how I would react if we did break up. At this point I don't know what to do, I'm terrified of losing but I feel like everything I'm doing is way too much way too late.

Hello, I(31M) guess I will begin from the start of this relationship. I became friends with Kay(24F) who is a is an ENM relationship with Jon(24M). Kay and I really hit it off and began being intimate. Fast forward to a couple weeks ago. While Kay and I were chilling Jon came home and was so upset he could barely contain himself. Kay's demeanor changed as well. I just ignored it. The next time I was going to chill with Kay, she couldn't because Jon needed to "apparently process something". A week later I met up with Kay and she said she was overwhelmed and couldn't hang out as often. I just took it at face value. I haven't seen her since. She continues to text me, and insists she wants to see me. I am definitely confused, but should I be worried?

I'll be going overseas soon to visit and stay with my cousins for a few weeks. I'm fairly close to them and we get along well, so it's not a problem interacting with them, as a generally shy and introverted person. However, I've absolutely no idea how to interact with their kids (3 and 7 years old). I've never been good with kids. I can't make funny faces, speak "goo goo ga ga" nor play with them or entertain them in any fashion. I mean, I could try, but it's just not in my nature, and it'll come across as really fake and forced.

Mind you, I don't hate kids, I just never interacted with them in any sort of extended fashion. I keep my distance from them and don't want nothing to do with kids in general. I don't find kids cute or funny or cuddly or anything of that sort, on the contrary, I find kids annoying and avoid them. I don't care about them to the point that I won't even ring my niblings and wish them a happy birthday, if I wasn't forced to by my family (and I usually try and weasel out of it by coming up with some excuse).

In saying all that, the reason why I'm asking this question is because I don't want them to grow up hating me or thinking of me like I'm that "weird uncle", cause maybe in the future, when I become old, I may have to rely upon them for whatever reasons. Like if I look at myself now, I have a good relationship with my elderly aunts and uncles, and they rely upon me for various things - mostly technical help, but even just in general if I'm ever visiting them I help them out wherever I can. Plus I enjoy conversing with them and learning of their various life experiences. I would like to have a similar amicable relationship with my niblings when I grow old, but I can't help think that I'm pushing them away due to my shy and introverted nature.

And as a reference, I have another cousin who's the exact opposite of me: typical extrovert alpha male type. He treats his niblings as if they were his own kids, like he does the airplane with them, takes them out for treats or other fun outdoor activities etc etc, and actually has conversations with them. I mean, that's all pretty cool I guess, but that's just not me. I do not intend to be like that.

I guess what I'm after is, what's the absolute minimal sort of interaction I can have with them, which won't feel too forced or fake or in-your-face (like definitely no "goo goo ga ga" stuff please), whilst still keeping up appearances and making me come across as a "he's a good uncle I guess, but just a bit quiet and shy" type of person? I've tried having "grown up" style small talk with them (like how's your day going, or stuff about the weather) and obviously that didn't work out too well. So I'd also appreciate stuff that I can talk to them about, like actual dialogues if possible, which won't seem fake or forced coming out of me, a shy and introverted person.

You cant afford paying half rent? You cant afford going to eat out together, to go on trips or to buy gifts? Do you know that you can only keep them company, give them your love and emotions, but you know that doesnt set you apart from the herd?

It's a sunny day, we're outside, good mood, drinking a coffee. I try to strike a conversation, my gf says its too early for philosophical discussions. I tell her we can instead talk about whatever she feels like. She says she doesn't want to talk about anything. We weirdly sit in silence for a while. I tell her it's weird to me, we argue. Is this normal?

How do you manage your contacts and tinder?

How do you keep track of which conversations are active, where people are by location?

The default tinder interface kind of falls apart once you've got more than a few conversations going. It's easy to get a conversation you're interested in buried.

Then post tinder when you move to a real messaging application what are your strategies for keeping the data organized?

A scenario I run into is I've got a lot of tinder contacts and I go to a city where I've contact a lot of people on tinder, but I can't see my contacts by location once I've contacted them, so I don't know who's in the same city as me. How do you handle this?

I care for her well-being. I mean, I spent 15 years with someone, and I feel like I'm following a guidebook on divorce.

My marriage ended in a mutual tone. She obviously didn't love me in the same ways she used to, same for me as I used to for her, but she's still a person, and we still spent 15 years together. Formative parts of our teenage lives were experienced together. It's not even as-if there's a void, it's a gaping hole through to the other side.

I don't know if she's dead. I don't know if she's ok. I don't know anything, and I'm afraid to ask. I cut off all contact, as was pretty much universally suggested and even I had a lot of ideas that I'd never really come away from it entirely unless I literally separated my life from her. It's a divorce. It's what you do, isn't it?

I just want her to know it wasn't so much by choice as it was a commonplace necessity, but... why would she care? I also get the sense that the second my name is seen on any note, it would just the thrown away, and am I even right to send one, and for what long-term purpose?

It's just a waste of time, isn't it? We should just move on, but... can I? 15 years. I'm 35 now. I should be spending my last five decent dating years finding someone new, but I'm stuck on her being ok. I don't even have to be the one to find out, just someone tell me she's ok.

She probably just hates me and never wants to hear from me anyway, and what good would it do? I'd know how she is, I guess, but she'd have another thread into my life and things could end up more complicated overall.

Every time this comes up in my head, I decide against it, but it keeps coming up, almost daily, like a self-induced torture. "Just don't think about it!" Easy talk...

Hello, this is gonna be a long one.

My Gf and I broke up over our long term goals in our life. I grew up on a kinda farm and always told her that I see my future on the farm (not working as a farmer, but its the place I grew up on and it was always my plan to live there). I told her really early on, like 6 1/2 years ago, while she was never as exited for it as me, it never seemed to be a problem for her, she rides horse for a hobby and we had often talked about how we someday have the horse standing on the farm and maybe keep some chickens. My Gf was 19 when we got together (I was the only Partner she had in her adult live) and I was 23 when we got together, now she is 26 and I am 30.

Fast forward to like 6 months ago, we start to make plans for the house (we have to tear one down so we can build a new one). She starts to worry about how, now that it comes closer and closer, doesnt want to live on that farm.

3 Weeks ago she told me she cant imagine herself to be happy on the farm, I dont want to leave the farm behind, we couldnt find a compromise and broke up. We lived in a small apartment in a city. I decide to live at my parents on the farm and she keeps the apartment. We decide we want to try and stay friends, since theres no problem between us, only our life goals ( she dont really know what she wants in her future) I help her numerous times in the apartment, sell her my car for a very moderate price (condition was she does all the paperwork so I have time to move in with all my stuff at my parents but I do a last service on the car, because im a car mechanic, she offered to pay me but I declined). That all was 3 to 2 weeks ago. One week ago I hear rumors that she has a new guy, but you get easily paranoid about that stuff after a breakup, so I wait, but more and more details emerge.

Yesterday I confronted her, she admits everything, we both stay pretty calm but cry a lot, she says that this was a giant mistake, she swears there was nothing goin on when we were still together and I believe her on that.

Yesterday evening we wrote another, I wrote her how much she hurt me by hooking up with another guy after 2 weeks whe I tried to help her with the apartment and car and that I cannot see her again because Istill have feelings for her. She wrote me that she understands she fucked up big time and hates herself for hurting me but still loves me, how I always was her best friend and perfect partner for her and that she understands how dissapointed I am and that it was probably the bigges error she ever did.

Today in the morning she calls and asks if we can meet up and talk and I accept that. We talk and we finally talk about why we broke up in the first place, and both understand that we both misunderstood ourself in a lot of ways about living on the farm.

Now I would have easily taken her back if it was just that, but she slept with that guy only 2 weeks after we broke up and that really really hurt. I know she was hurt and desperate and confused about what she wanted, but damn, 2 weeks after 7 years relationship! You are an adult and your actions have consequences.

Some hours ago she asked if we can talk again on Monday, I said "Yes, we can, but you have to end whatever it is you have with that new guy, but even then, I dont know if I can forgive you"

What are you opinions here? I know I still have feelings for her, and I know she has feelings for me, but what she did was really shitty, especially when I helped her and behind my back she was probably already fucking her new guy.

I really dont know what to do, I mean, in my heart I want her back, but my brain remembers what she did to me.

https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/post/3297580

Well idk how to feel rn. I wrote her a handwritten letter and gave her 24 hours to either come over and have a follow up conversation or I'll assume we're over. (Had no intention of a break up)

Rn I'm in bed and she's asleep next to me. We had a good conversation, we both apologised. I'm considering aaking my ex to delete the videos with me off the internet. No my gf didnt ask this of me and I didnt offee either, I might just do this myself, (I like my online privacy and dont have any social media account outside of this anyways).

I did a tonne of reassuring which I think did well. In person and in the letter. Promises were made on both ends.

Now for the bad part and I cannot believe Im putting this online, we just had the most disturbing sex ever. It would be normal in any other circumstance but for the fact that it was almost entirely what the video wth my ex was. This would still not be weird perhaps if there weren't things we had never done before together.

So its new stuff and exactly what was in the video. This was creepy, was it not?? Maybe she thinks it's things I like is my current assumption but idk. It's been a while and my thoughts are rather scattered atm.

• What was the point of this?
• Do I bring this up?
• How do I bring this up?
• What do I even complain about here?
• Is she actually fine now or is there still an issue?

Ps. Thank you for everyones takes on the first post. For anyone saying we're to immature to be in a relationship, we might be immature but we wanna grow together and see where this takes us. Hopefully this is a forever kinda thing.

I am my gfs first partner, she is my second. The girl I dated prior (for 6 months) was a vlogger and for like 3 months made a lotta relationship and prank videos wth me which I was fine with at the time. Now my current gf is my first ever real crush and Ive been into her for a decade.

So my gf stalked my ex somehow, idk how consodering Im not on social media myself (this account is the literal exception). She then asked a LOT of questions about my ex, I dodged just about every question. After that she just pulled away and was distant and would barely talk to me or meet up. She finally told me she found my ex's yt channel and watched every single thing on there.

Now I think Ive been VERY understanding and comforting to her, reassuring her literally every day since, being very loving and romantic to the point of cringing myself out. But she never really got over what she saw, idk if she rewatched that stuff or not but it was def smth thats always been in the back of her mind. She also knows that I broke up with my ex since I was moving countries and not bc the relationship was bad.

Now for the terrible part, smth i truly did not remember was that me and my ex had made a more personal video which was still saved somewhere on my laptop. I absolutely did not know of this and if I did I woulda gotten rid of it. Now my gf has access to my laptop (with my approval ofc) and she somehow stumbled upon it, I caught her curled up in my bed absolutely bawling her eyes out with the video playing on my desk. I have never felt this disgusting.

This is the first time my gf has denied my hug for comfort or just been so repulsed by me, she wont touch me while i explained everything, I deleted said video infront of her and begged her for a week. First she told me she needed to think things over but knowing her she wanted me chasing and I did just that, second week Ive given her space and theres been no change. We have had 2 dry 5 min convos in the last week.

How do I fix this or make it upto her???

Tl;dr: Gf found an old personal video involving an ex and wont talk to me anymore.

This is very long, so: TL;DR I had an okay but slightly mutually verbally/emotionally abusive relationship for 3 years, living together. I finally got sick of it and left somewhat suddenly early in the month. She says she is broke and I need to give her 2 months rent and utilities, saying I broke a lease (I never signed a lease). I have literally no money and would have to ask my mother, and my mother is "uh, no". How bad should I feel about this?

I [42M] recently left a 3 year relationship with my GF [44 F]. We'd been living together since the start and sharing rent and most expenses. We had known each other from previous work, though we both no longer were in that industry, and basically had a good rapport.

However, we had a difficult time getting along almost the entire time... some good times, but frequent arguments with lack of proper communication, and we never could agree about how to run the house as far as roommate basics (dishes, laundry, organization). I was recovering from a long bout of illness (as in, 1-3 years) and she was getting back on her feet after helping her sick parents, who passed away, and dealing with their estate. So neither of us were working again yet. My problems and general dumbness left me with a bit of a drinking problem, and she wasn't too perfect in that regard either.

We had both been long self-employed, and tried setting up spaces to work around the house, but couldn't agree on what to do, so we had long stalemates. When I'd try to talk about important issues, she had habits of ignoring me, acting like I wasn't talking, changing the topic and criticizing me about something irrelevant, and I'd get irritated by that and we'd end up arguing. Then she wouldn't take any accountability for her role, never work on or fix what I was talking about (and it was things like, I feel like a kitchen slave, or our laundry situation is insane and I can't find any of my clothes, or we need to sell your junk car that's in the way). I was paying for all the groceries, doing all the dish work, and all the cooking. I changed it to I pay 2/3 (I have special dietary needs, so fine) but that was still annoying.

We didn't have much time in common... she'd work in her art studio or watch TV, I'd be at the computer, we'd sleep at different times. We had some problems like where she started buying crypto, it went up by 250%, then I tried really hard to get her to sell it (when BTC were at their 2021 peak) and she'd ignore me, act like I wasn't talking, change the topic to complain about me, say "it's an investment!" and generally just drive me insane. She did things like spend $10,000 on ETH and BTC when I was asleep. Her choice, but holy cow.

We ended up basically celibate for 2 1/2 years, arguing often, but she would tell me gushy "oh I love you honey you're the best, you're my guy!" type things which rang false and made me feel sort of icky after a while. For years our schedules and her insensitivity disrupted my sleep, which seemed like some form of abuse after a while (I'd get woken up by loud TV or her coming to bed after 2-3 hours and not be able to get back to sleep, repeatedly). We'd end up in loud arguments about her ignoring my concerns, demeaning me, saying unfair things (like, saying okay, sure, I do all the dishes but do I deep clean? When did I last scrub a toilet? which is nonsense because i did that too). She wouldn't call the landlords about anything in the house, which is sort of okay because they were incompetent and stingy, but we ended up with things like a leak in the basement for 8 months that nobody ever reported.

I'd sneak off and buy liquor because if she saw me drinking, she'd instantly start treating me like crap, which obviously would lead to arguing. If I shared alcohol with her though, we'd also end up arguing. If I drank when she was asleep generally things were fine, though as most drunk people, I'd sometimes to stupid things like take long walks or call people to chat when I was out of it. I'd call my friends and family and tell them I was so fed up with the relationship that I was going insane, but then I'd stay there.

She'd never discuss finances with me realistically or make a budget and if we did, what she would say was very one-sided, like "she bought me shoes!" while meanwhile I was the only person in the house with a car for 3 years. She insisted I never paid her for utilities while actually, I was paying $100 a month explicitly for utilities - I paid for all the groceries and the only way to get her to pay was to deduct it from rent/utilities, so she'd ask things like "can you just give me the full amount this month?" As in, pay for all the groceries. I actually paid 100% of all groceries for the first 2 years and didn't want to do that any more. I'll add, I had no job and was being supported by my parents. I have very expensive medical conditions and was on Medicaid after being out of work for 3 years+ due to illness, which makes working complicated. Meanwhile she spent down her small inheritance and wasn't really trying at all to make money. My car got hit and totaled which made our lives harder.

So, finally we had some wild arguments about her being inconsiderate and demanding and I'd had enough. She would raise her voice and sound like she was chiding, correcting or lecturing me frequently, I'd ask her to please not talk to me like that (not that I need special respect - just not verbal abuse) and she'd ignore me and adopt an even louder and more harsh tone. The only way to get her to stop berating me was to raise my voice even louder, yell at her to stop, or drop what I was doing and leave.

I started to pack my stuff and then realized I couldn't really leave due to not having a car or money. I relented and tried to figure out what to do (like, maybe make real plans and pack slowly). But then 3 days later we had the same arguments again and I decided I had to leave. I got a moving truck and spent 3 days getting organized and moved back to my parents house.

Now she is telling me that she has no money, I left her with no food or anything (not really accurate), she won't be able to pay rent and I need to ask my mother to send her over $2000 for two months of rent. We have talked some and it's fine but she pressures me "you need to DO THE RIGHT THING". I have pointed out that I have no money of my own, in part due to how we had this fucked up relationship for 3 years and never got anything organized. She is trying to apply for jobs and has plans, but I understand that may take a while. However she started asking me for money immediately - I paid bills for this month and left 3 weeks ago, so... she says I broke a lease, though I never did sign one. I understand she was counting on me for half the rent. She also says she won’t get a roommate or a temporary job and is trying to get a permanent salaried job (rent is over $2k a month).

Relationship-wise and emotionally, I'm glad to have ended it, though I also feel bad. I'm not exactly thrilled to have another failed relationship at this age and move back into my parents. The one positive thing is not hearing her raise her voice at me in a scolding tone or gaslight me about our relationship. I don't feel good about moving out suddenly or her being left in the lurch, but at the same time, I believe that it wasn't entirely unexpected and she didn't listen to me about how I was feeling. If I made plans to leave she probably would have pretended nothing was happening.

So my question is, how should I really feel about all of that, finance wise?

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i attempted to post this on several groups but because the subject of the issue is a minor the post was removed. I kept her age in for reference. As well as an update at the end.

I ( 28 f) along with my partner (30 m) just recently bought my mothers house. I have two younger siblings both just graduated high school and heading to college, so when my mom wanted to downgrade to something smaller and we were looking for something bigger. It all worked out perfectly. After being moved in for two weeks my brothers friend (17 f), let’s call her Lexi, knocked on the door sobbing asking for my brother. He obviously wasn’t there and I had no context but I could see a kid in need of a hug.

I invited her in and told her my brother moved out and she explained that her friend out of state was in a bad accident and might not make it. I felt awful and let her just chat and cry on the couch for a bit. Eventually I called my brother and told him his friend was upset and he should stop by after work. She ended up staying over and even eating dinner with my bf and I. My brother eventually came over and they went for a walk and he took Lexi home.

The next day she came by again stating her friend had passed away. I again had empathy for her situation but also was beginning to feel awkward. She asked to come inside. I felt like I couldn’t say no to a crying teen on my doorstep and she stayed over again for dinner.

A few days later I was out front doing yard work with my siblings and Lexi showed up again. She had a completely different attitude and wanted to just hang out. I assumed one of my siblings invited her over but later when I got one of them alone they asked why I invited her over. Long story short she bounced around from my siblings and both said she was clingy and overbearing. I got the impression Lexi liked them more than they liked her.

Here is where I am turning to Reddit for help. The last two weeks Lexi has stopped by my house 8 times. Two days ago I asked her to call or text before just showing up. So now she calls me at 530 on the dot every night to see if she can come over. And if I don’t answer she will call every 10 minutes as well as text.

I got some more information on her from my siblings because I’m thinking broken home, or distant despondent parents and she is reaching out for attention. But no I even corroraborated with my mom that her parents are still together and she lives just up the street from us. So now I’m more confused to why she keeps wanting to come over. My bf and my family agree I was too nice to her in thr beginning and now that I opened the door I have to deal with my new little stalker. And to either embrace it or ignore it. But I don’t want to do either. The fact that this teenager became obsessed with me in the matter of two interactions makes me worrisome and I need to know how to let her down easy. I mean at the simplest form she’s not friends with my siblings. They no longer lived here and I’m 28 and she’s 17.

How do I let her down while also setting boundaries?

UPDATE: I took some advice and had a frank conversation with her. I told,not asked, her to call and text before showing up at my house.

However that only lasted about two days then the nonstop calling and texts began again. Then she stopped calling and I showing up daily. She was sitting on my front stoop one day when I came home from work. She was upset with me because I was late (she knows what time I get off and I assume looked up how long my drive is)I never let her into the house anymore but this doesn’t deter her from stopping by. She has even began to reach out to my siblings and boyfriend via instagram to ask them to ask me to call or text her back.

Once she texted me off her dads phone. Should I reach out to him? My thoughts are I let him know that she is continuing to come by as well as ignoring my requests to reach out before hand. Hopefully he could talk to her about boundaries because clearly she is not listening to me and hopefully he can let her down easier then I can because I feel my frustration level go up every time she comes by. I used to ask about her day but now when she comes over I tell her I’m busy and you need to leave. Today is Tuesday and the last three days we have this exact interaction.

Thoughts on reaching out to her dad? Or do I keep turning her away and ignoring her??

Hey! I recently started dating someone, and it is both of our first relationships. We have only been dating for 5 months. We both go to the same college in NY, and we recently decided to make a 3-day road trip in Early September.

The financial discussions for our upcoming trip have been a bit awkward, and we sorta decided that I will be footing the bill for the hotel, while he would cover gas and food. I felt like this was a bit unfair, as the cost of the hotel is probably ~3x what gas/food would cost us. I had brought this up and I noticed it was a bit of a trigger for him, and it was clear he wasn't too keen on having the discussion. I don't think this comes from malice, but more so that money discussions are always awkward, and this is both of our first relationships.

I had offered to split it so that he pays a quarter of the hotel charge, and he sort of reluctantly said yes, but mentioned he doesn't have the money right now, so I didn't really push further.

Both of us have different perspectives on money - he is a lot more frivolous than me in spending, while I'm pretty frugal. Even though we're both in university, I have more disposable income than him (mostly because of my frugality).

I'm worried that I will resent him during and after the trip because of this, and I know I need to bring it up to him, but I don't know how I should approach it. I do really want to go on the trip, and I realize that I may be too "cheap" and should let things go. At the same time, I'm feeling more and more resentful whenever he mentions how he spent money buying (non-essential) new clothes or books. I've been bottling it up for a bit since he's going through a bit of a rough patch, but the date of the trip is approaching and I can't keep my mind off things.

To clarify, my questions are:

1. How do I bring it up to him? I'm worried if it feels like too much like an ultimatum, we'd have to cancel the trip.

2. Should I just "suck it up"? I know in relationships things aren't always equal. I would like to think if the roles were reversed he would do the same, but I'm not sure if he would.

I can not emphasize how much I like him. My post may have made this sound like a toxic relationship but it is anything but. It's just one small part of an otherwise amazing relationship.

Basically title...

Background I got out of a very long and desperately unhappy and demanding relationship about 2 years ago.

Been in therapy essentially the whole time working on various issues but crucially here getting to grips with my romantic intensity.

Never had issues with respecting boundaries, but I like everyone (romantically in a purely monogamous way), and tend to get really into the people I date.

I've been dating off and on, met some awesome people, didn't work out, but I'm on good terms with all even friends with quite a few so it's been good.

Short term ex Met this person just over 1yr ago, we saw each other a lot for about 3mths (I mean multiple times a week, looking after her puppy, lunch dates with her mum without the ex, intense).

She was always icy, never seemed interested, but would say yes to whatever activity if I asked and it didn't involve her planning or putting any sort of work in. For some reason this was like drugs to my brain and I fell hard.

Thankfully she randomly decided one Saturday to break up with me and I wouldn't fight it (which she didn't appreciate) so we went basically cold-turkey just under a year ago.

New relationship 2 months ago I met someone really great, she's actually putting in the work as well and it's going gangbusters. She's also incredibly pretty (I'm not bad looking but not on the same level), genuinely concerned about her eyesight.

Additionally she's constructive and genuinely into me (probably on a similar intensity level as me).

But I find myself thinking about the girl I saw a year ago increasingly often. Part of it is that I'm now concerned the relationship could end just randomly, and part of it is that it just seems easier - I don't have to always be the one asking and I can just enjoy some dates without the stress of planning everything.

And this is messing with my head and it's so frustrating.

TL;DR After a decade of dating women who expected everything done for them, I'm now potentially in a healthy relationship and struggling to keep my brain from thinking back to the "good old days".