Asklemmy

I delivered pizza one summer in college. I was 19. Didn't see anything too weird. Three memories have stuck in my mind.

1. I had to deliver to THAT house. It was at the extreme radius of our delivery area. Picture a scene from a horror movie. I drove out to a rural area, left the road for a dirt road that was essentially their driveway. It was pitch black on a probably two acre, for lack of a better description, junkyard. I get to the house, which is a mobile home. The illuminated window, the only source of light for what seemed like miles. The guy that answered the door was an older angry guy. He wore a black Harley Davidson t- shirt that did not successfully cover his belly. He had some pretty hard core tattoos and a chain holding his wallet to his filthy jeans. Behind him were a couple of dudes that looked just like him, watching TV. One hand was holding the sprung door from slamming shut. The other was restraining the Rottweiler by its choker chain attached to the spiked collar. I'm pretty sure he was doing this to keep the dog from tearing me apart and burying my bones under the rusty truck with the grass growing out of the tires. Over the noise of the TV, the dudes behind him and the barking of the attack dog, he yelled for his "old lady" to get the fucking money to pay for the god damn pizza. I hated going to that house, because they never tipped.

2. In the '80's and '90's there was a place downtown Orlando called Rosie'O Graddys. At its height it occupied a fairly large chunk of the downtown area and had an old time theme. Beautiful model T Fords parked out front for effect. Lots of brass and mahogany inside. The place was expensive. I went there one time with some friends and a drink was $14.00. It was huge and you got to keep the glass but, damn. Could not afford that as a student. Anyway, one day I deliver a pizza to an apartment and it was for one of the waitresses that worked there. I guess she had just gotten off of work because she was still dressed in her costume. It was quite revealing and she wore it well. She turned around to get some money and forever burned the image of those fish net stockings with the line running down the back into my mind. At that moment I was wishing that those porno movies where the pizza guy gets swept up in the story were real. Nope. She did give me a nice tip though. Makes sense since she worked for tips too.

3. I was delivering a pizza to a house in a nice neighborhood. The rain was coming down in biblical proportions. In fact it wasn't falling from the sky. It was being driven sideways. So I'm standing at this guy's front door digging through my change bag trying to find, literally coins, to give him his change. Finally, with my hands full of the empty pizza bag and my change pouch that the wind was trying to rip from my hands, and getting soaked by the horizontal rain, I finally just pulled out a dollar and essentially tipped the customer, just to get back to my car. Sucked.

So nothing too weird, but hey, I figured you were just looking for some stories anyway.