The Onion

4703 readers

997 users here now

The Onion

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

Great Satire Writing:

founded 3 years ago

MODERATORS

seahorse@midwest.social

pbrisgreat@midwest.social

283

North Koreans Celebrate Kim Jong Un Winning Every Olympic Gold Medal (www.duffelblog.com)

submitted 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) by SomeAmateur@sh.itjust.works to c/theonion@midwest.social

8 comments fedilink hide all child comments

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] homesweethomeMrL@lemmy.world 12 points 4 months ago

“The divine athleticism of our Dear Leader has shocked the war mongering West, who reek of gun powder and Gatorade, and brought honor and glory to the people of True Korea,” said Kim Il-guk, President of the DPRK’s Olympic Committee and Concentration Camp Manager for Families of Losing Athletes. “I saw it with my own eyes.”

He then went into great detail about how, despite a torrential downpour and bolts of “heavenly lightning that cowed everyone else,” the North Korean leader executed flawless, gazelle-like leaps during the 110- and 400-meter hurdles.