askchapo

doubleposting but this shit pisses me off. up until recently i was getting really close to ending it. I've always had a firm limit in place of "well it would be too scarring for my family so i could never kill myself" but that was eroding for the the first time ever - even my previous suicide attempt was in the heat of the moment with no real reasoning, but this time I was actively beginning to feel over a sustained period of time that I could not go on, such that it was worth traumatizing my family to escape it. I wrote a detailed suicide note that I have actually yet to delete because I haven't resolved my feelings about it. The only thing that stopped it was getting a job after over a year of unemployment, finally the world telling me I'm not worthless, because in this society worth is productivity.

i look like a guy pretty much 24/7 due to my environment being unsupportive to transitioning, although hopefully that's changing soon. I've gotten better about decoupling my mentality from guydom, but I still struggle with it because I'm kinda trapped in being a guy for the moment, so things like this screenshot still affect me. Exactly how many people stuck in the closet being egged on to suicide is acceptable for these people? How many actual dudes who haven't hurt a fly would have to die before they start to question it? It's things like this that made vindictive suicidal ideation so satisfying. I wish I had the wherewithal to check out and have a dead man's (ha) switch send people like the person in the screenshot my family's info and let them know that they helped cause their suffering. See how flippant they are when blood's on their hands.