this post was submitted on 21 Aug 2024
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[–] TheMightyCanuck@sh.itjust.works 74 points 3 weeks ago (5 children)

If it's the uline jumbo rolls my work gets... Please don't.

Your asshole will thank me

[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 63 points 3 weeks ago (6 children)

You just gotta keep using it until your anus naturally builds up callouses.

[–] TheMightyCanuck@sh.itjust.works 29 points 3 weeks ago

I rarely physically shudder from text

[–] SynopsisTantilize@lemm.ee 8 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

My wife keeps telling me that...

[–] ZoopZeZoop@lemmy.world 5 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Why? What is she planning for your anus that requires callouses? You should inquire. That sounds suspicious!

[–] SynopsisTantilize@lemm.ee 4 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Just know that she won't answer and I'm scared.

[–] ZoopZeZoop@lemmy.world 1 points 3 weeks ago

Do you need us to call someone for you?

Sounds exciting!

[–] bobs_monkey@lemm.ee 8 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I too try to only shit on company time

They're called union shits around here. Even if you're not in one lol.

Also combine shitty to with expensive bidet. Best of both worlds.

[–] RoquetteQueen@sh.itjust.works 6 points 3 weeks ago

If you don't use a bidet, your butthole is already calloused. I learned this the first time I pooped in a normal toilet after getting my bidet.

[–] Zoidsberg@lemmy.ca 3 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

I think this is the worst thing I've ever read

[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 2 points 3 weeks ago

Thank you, and you're welcome.

[–] Empricorn@feddit.nl 2 points 3 weeks ago

What a terrible day to have eyes.

[–] waz@lemmy.world 19 points 3 weeks ago

Is it the high gloss stuff, or the 80 grit option?

[–] henfredemars@infosec.pub 10 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Does it flake like a French pastry?

[–] cocobean@sh.itjust.works 26 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I only wipe my ass with croissants to keep my cheeks buttery smooth

[–] Nfamwap@lemmy.world 18 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I'm fairly certain those words have never been uttered in that order in the entirety of human history. Bravo.

[–] Fermion@feddit.nl 8 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] bobs_monkey@lemm.ee 5 points 3 weeks ago

It's a terrible day for Canada, and therefore the world

[–] ZoopZeZoop@lemmy.world 2 points 3 weeks ago

The toilet paper or his asscheeks?

[–] BarbecueCowboy@lemmy.world 7 points 3 weeks ago

Plus side, it's basically impossible to clog your toilet with that stuff. It's effectively pipe grease.

My old work ordered everything from uline, and I started bringing in my own TP specifically because of how awful it is to use that tissue paper.

Legitimately feels like tissue paper that people stuff gift bags with.

But at the same time, almost slippery.

And you WILL know if you creased the paper the wrong way, because it WILL stab at you with the force of ten thousand teeny tiny needles.