this post was submitted on 23 Aug 2024
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ADHD
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should have told me that when i was 25 :-) in my case, i realized that the queasy feeling and the unrelentless pressure i felt around people, was., in fact, fear. it began when people in my school started to form peer groups that hung around after school. yes, i had my cirlce of friends, but parties, social gatherings and stuff filled my with worry and anxiousness. i knew i didnt want to go, buit i didnt know why. at the same time, i wanted to go, because i had social needs, regardless. so i would drink. that helped a great deal. i was very social when being drunk.
well. when you have autism, you have problems identifying feelings.
the clown part about the whole thing is, i always thought that idea to be utterly ridicoulus. i perfectly knew what i was feeling at all times. i was angry or totally depressed or enthusiastic. thats about it. i had no middle feelings.
today i recognised that i have all sorts of feelings, but they are like behind a pane of milky glass, and i kinda have to guess what they are.