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Autistic people's feelings mostly misread – empathy works both ways, research reveals
(www.brunel.ac.uk)
this post was submitted on 24 Aug 2024
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As an allistic person who also puts lots of effort into being understanding and prefers to be conscious of and verify/disprove my assumptions, I agree that most people are maddening when it comes to this crap. I can have a full, detailed breakdown of my internal state ready to go and they'll just project onto me if they're riled up enough to not really be listening.
I've found the best trick you can pull when somebody does that is to find what you agree with them about and talk about that for a while. Once their head cools off a bit more and the conversation cools back down to normal emotional temperature, you can calmly tell them how you were really feeling and how it hurts to be misunderstood like that. Usually that elicits an embarrassed apology, from adults. If it doesn't, they probably don't want to be your friend, they wanted to be your abuser, and you their punching bag.
All just in my experience, of course.
The absolute worst, in my experience, is people who believe they are 'empaths', people who are hugely into superstitious nonsense like astrology or literal witchcraft, people who think they can 'manifest' things.
Those kinds of people have whole worldviews built around themselves being special, enlightened basically having superpowers.
They have no problem telling you how you feel or what you are thinking or why you did something, but if you even attempt to correct them, god forbid tell them they're literally delusional, they'll freak out and have a huge breakdown and cause as much drama as possible with everyone they know.
I have had waaaay too many of those kinds of people in my life.
I agree with you that most normal people would be embarrassed to learn they misread someone, but I seem to just have very bad luck of being surrounded by people who are just incapable of basic human decency.
Oh they absolutely are the worst.
I'm sorry to hear that, those types are so much trouble to deal with. I had a deeply narcissistic roommate in college who felt they always knew what others were feeling/thinking. They got quite abusive by the end and it really messed me up for a while. All that to say, I know that type of pain.
I think maybe narcissistic types tend to seek out patient, understanding people. Maybe consciously they think they're looking for love and understanding, but unconsciously it seems like they're looking for people they can reliably abuse when they're having a bad day, y'know?
I don't put up with those sorts anymore, it makes life much simpler.