this post was submitted on 27 Aug 2024
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"Oh no, all the scum-masters are gone, who will annoy us with their inane babbling now?"
Best typo ever.
Oh it was not a mistake, trust me.
One once tried showing me a slideshow on what it is they actually do, because the sauna we had for that evening was from their company.
Guy couldn't fuckin read the room though and actually went through with his PowerPoint presentation. I couldn't for the life of me figure out how someone could ignore so many social cues from us, the people who had nothing to do with his work, his company, or any work at all. Purely recreational night and dude starts it with that.
Yuck yuck yuck
There are two types of scrum masters. Those who are true believers in agility, and those who think it's just a fancy bullshit name for "project manager". The latter tend to be the the fucking worst, unfortunately they're the most common breed.
Truth is, a real "scrum master" (or "agile coach" for SAFe 6 people) is at best a part time job, and has only two purposes. With experience and knowledge, help the team towards making their job easier/faster/more interesting/more predictable/more serene through continuous improvement using agile methods as a toolbox (and NOT a fucking dogma), and ~~tell idiotic managers who can't fucking anticipate a fucking deadline more than 3 days in advance to fuck off and stop being fucking morons~~ teach managers to respect agile principles and have a clear short- and medium-term vision so their needs can comfortably fit the team's backlog without jeopardizing the team, other priorities or the deadlines.
The other breed are fucking corporate yes-men who shove work over capacity onto the team and play make-believe-scrum by focusing exclusively on bullshit rituals that serve no actual fucking purpose.
How will you know your velocity and whether you're swagged high or not?
I think that's probably a good joke, but I haven't had to suffer corporate culture enough in recent years to understand that.
Or maybe I'm just too high to be able to
Part of me misses having a job I could do baked out of my gord.
Most of me is extremely happy that I have a job where I don't feel the need to be.