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Thanks for sharing your experiences! Are there any brands, guides, platforms, etc that you would recommend?
I'm getting my feet wet with Home Assistant and would love to "Do it right"!
Lutron is the most common for lighting and shades. They work closely with electricians, architects, and designers. Lutron has some consumer facing products (Caseta) that may be applicable to most people wanting to take a step into real control systems. That's not to say they have all the capabilities you're looking for - they stay in their lane.
Crestron is far more robust as they offer everything from lights, shades, speakers, control systems, AV distribution, etc. They're huge in commercial too. You would need to contact an AV pro to get Crestron installed and programmed.
There's handful of other brands you may come across (Control4, Savant) as you research your local AV installers. I don't have as much experience with them. Both had questionable beginnings but I would assume they're much better now.
Just make sure whoever you deal with is authorized or certified dealers and programmers. It'll cost a bit more than people working out of their trunks - but you get what you pay for. As with all things 'internet', do your own research. I can suggest starting here https://cedia.org/homeowners/
Thank you!