this post was submitted on 24 Sep 2024
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Am I the only one who lives with their parent and helps paying bills? I am asking, because some people seem to be surprised that my father forces me to pay for the living in his house, but the truth is I don't mind that, and I'd rather not be a freeloader.
If your parents want you to pay rent, while at the same time complaining that you still live with them(which is often the situation), they can charitably be called dumbfucks.
I understand the need to privacy as people get older, but if my kids want to stay with me for a long period of their life, I will be pleased to have them with me as long as they like.
I really subscribe to the idea of the kid helping on bills + a little extra and the parent saving as much as they financially can of that into an account and giving it to their kid as a moving away gift.
But yes, I think you are more talking about having the kid pay market price to live at home which is fucked.
I mean, if you're an adult with an income and living with anyone else (parents, roommate, etc.), you really should be helping with the upkeep of the place and bills. As well as paying for your own food, phone bill, etc.
"Forcing you to pay" sounds harsh without context. You'd have to pay rent to live anywhere else, right? Perhaps, "expected to pay" seems more logical... assuming you're an adult with an income.
It's situational, but you're not the only one.
I lived with my dad for many years because he slowly lost the ability to take care of himself. My brother and I were there to handle whatever he needed and since I was working full time, I'd cover bills when it was required, either because he forgot or because he was struggling.
We eventually made the decision to have him moved to a care facility where he could get the care he needed, and far better care than we could hope to provide. He's passed on now, but it happens. That was a crazy time in my life. Now I live independently.
For the record, I'm over 40 now, and I'm the youngest of his children. He died a few years back at this point.
Setting an appropriate amount of contribution is between you and your dad. There is no wrong way except if a child truly needs a roof to sleep under and they aren't a complete fuck up.
Even complete fuck ups need a roof
But at some point, it doesn't necessarily mean your roof. Especially if the fuck ups damage property or other persons.
I think It is fair that the members of a family, that are a community living together or not, all share in the burdens of life so it is easier for everyone. But if the parents are like forcing you to pay rent, then I would just live somewhere else.
Put in another way. It is fine if you have an adult children to say "hey, help out anyway you can so it is easier to everyone" and if they cannot figure out how to do that or they are like stuck and not progressing in life then instead of an ultimatum of "pay rent" better is a "I think you need the experience of living on your own". Again I am all for money staying in the family and much prefer that or even better they saving money to buy a place than paying rent to some shitty landlord. But anyway.