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I am one of those obese people, and it seems so achingly unfair.
I am an active person. I eat similar foods and quantities as my peers, with drastically different results. I drink water, not soda or juice. I basically stopped drinking coffee, but when I did, it was always plain black. The only weight loss success I’ve had was spending a year on a keto diet, which my doctor swears was slowly killing me (salt, sulfites, etc). My doctor says I have mild hypothyroidism, but not bad enough to call for treatment.
I have been overweight my entire life, living in a world that fundamentally believes that this is entirely my fault. I don’t know how to convey the hopelessness that people like me have to live with, and the resolve that it requires to keep making healthy choices in spite of it, and never seeing beneficial results.
I don’t know how to get off this ride. All I ask is for other people to not believe I am a lazy shameless grotesque person for being forced to ride it.
I won't pretend to know what your journey has been like, but do/did you actually count what you eat or do you just guess/assume? In my experience, everyone not measuring what they eat guesses incorrectly about how much or how little they think they're eating. Measuring everything you eat is the only way to know for sure if you're eating towards weight loss. And only in extreme cases is your weight out of your control. So don't take that power away from yourself.
Weight loss is all (only) about calories in vs calories out and consistency. If you eat less than you burn and you do it consistently, you lose weight. It's literally just physics. All diets, including keto, are just complicated ways for you to limit how much you eat.
Just realize that everyone struggles with it, including fit people. So don't give up hope.
Losing weight is simple. It's just not easy. But you can do it.
I have a good friend that sounds kind of similar. She's historically the most active among our friend group usually, generally the most fit and capable (she did the Alcatraz swim, for example). Eats completely reasonably, at times very well (due to what you're describing). But she's just always kinda large, even at her smallest. It's always struck me as extremely unfair, like you said, and she's really suffered for it.
I don't know your situation, but she's currently living her best life. Happy family with kids, loving kind partner, rewarding job in a stunningly beautiful (if fairly remote) location. And she deserves it, she's a wonderful human.
But boy did she suffer frustration and hopelessness on repeat along the way. Nearly gave up on trying for the life she wanted more than once. And I fully recognize the deck is stacked in some important ways against folks like y'all, so please don't read my "happy outcome" story as contradicting anything you said. But don't give up on what ya want.
You're not lazy or shameless.
Everyone has different struggles, for you one of those struggles is going to be your genetics which means you can't eat and exercise the same as your peers. You have to do better. That means cut out the ultraprocessed stuff and limit the amount you eat at restaurants. When you cook for yourself be careful of how much butter oil or sugar and salt you're adding to your food. But you know this already.
If you've done a keto diet you have the willpower to make the necessary lifestyle changes. Don't let a temporary setback be permanent. Good luck!
I need to add here (because I always do on the off-chance that it might help someone) that you can have too low of blood sugar depending on your specific genetics. I had an a1c of 3.8 when I was doing keto. I had basically had nondiabetic hypoglycemia for so long I was no longer showing symptoms. Please see a doctor if you do anything too dramatic, diet-wise.
My mom has lost a lot of weight cutting out sugar and eating mostly meat. Seriously, a lot of weight.
I'm not saying that's what you should do but what I'm saying is that it may be worth finding what works for you and doing that temporarily even if it's not the most healthy thing.
I wish i had the answers because there are also obese people in my life i would give them to.
Controlling weight is one of these things that are very easy for some very hard for others.
I have been underweight to obese and back to a healthy weight trough my life and I must say, losing weight was 50% the result of my efforts and 50% life changes (whom I lived with, work/life balance and other non diet related changes)
I now have the luxury of time to make my own food and exercise as much as I want, if I didn't I'd probably balloon up quite quickly. Pre made food is the spawn of Satan.
If you do cook at home I'd suggest adding more spices to replace salt/sugar as much as possible but keep stuff tasty, and go for food that has more complex texture, it tends to be more satisfying, so you naturally eat less.
That said good luck and try to ignore the bad judgements.