While we're at it, is it too much to ask for leniency in some instances of tone? It's not my fault my autistic brain can't hear the way my words come out. I overcompensate in work and in public by going "into character" as someone very cheery and positive - because any less than that inevitably leads to my "tone" overshadowing the content of my speech. My line of work requires my bosses to be knowledgable about autism, and I've even told my manager that my tone does not reflect my emotions.

Yet if ever I get tired, overwhelmed, or simply have several new instructions thrown at me in a short amount of time, I'm left not only grappling with whatever I'm told to do, but my facade slips and I also get a talking to about "my tone." I'm sorry, I do my best to control how I speak, but despite living over 30 years on this planet I still struggle with this "basic" aspect of communication. Holding it against me won't solve anything, but it will contribute to my social anxiety and the sense that I simply don't belong in society.

[–] Bertuccio@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago

Tone is nearly always a bullshit argument used to dismiss the content of what's said without addressing it.

Good communicators don't worry about it too much because there are lots of reasons someone can take a certain tone - for example if they're tired or stressed! So they just make sure they understand what the person is conveying without worrying about how it's conveyed.

Someone who focuses much on tone is likely a poor communicator themselves, or frequently just trying to be manipulative.