this post was submitted on 24 Jun 2024
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menby

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A space for masculine folks to talk about living under patriarchy.

Detoxing masculinity since 1990!

You don’t get points for feminism, feminism is expected.

Guidelines:

  1. Questions over blame
  2. Humility over pride
  3. Wisdom over dogma
  4. Actions over image

Rules (expansions on the guidelines):

  1. Mistakes should be learning experiences when possible.
    • Do not attack comrades displaying vulnerability for what they acknowledge are mistakes.
    • If you see good-faith behavior that's toxic, do your best to explain why it's toxic.
    • If you don't have the energy to engage, report and move on.
    • This includes past mistakes. If you've overcome extreme reactionary behavior, we'd love to know how.
    • A widened range of acceptable discussion means a greater need for sensitivity and patience for your comrades.
    • Examples:
      • "This is reactionary. Here's why."
      • "I know that {reality}, but I feel like {toxicity}"
      • "I don't understand why this is reactionary, but it feels like it {spoilered details}"
  2. You are not entitled to the emotional labor of others.
    • Constantly info-dumping and letting us sort through your psyche is not healthy for any of us.
    • If you feel a criticism of you is unfair, do not lash out.
    • If you can't engage self-critically, delete your post.
    • If you don't know how to phrase why it's unfair, say so.
  3. No singular masculine ideal.
    • This includes promoting gender-neutral traits like "courage" or "integrity" as "manly".
    • Suggestions for an individual to replace a toxic ideal is fine.
    • Don't reinforce the idea the fulfillment requires masculinity.
    • This also includes tendency struggle-sessions.
  4. No lifestyle content.
    • Post the picture of your new grill in !food (feminine people like grills too smh my head).
    • Post the picture of the fish you caught in !sports (feminine people like fish too smdh my damn head).
    • At best, stuff like this is off-topic. At worst, it's reinforcing genders norms..
    • If you're not trying to be seen as masculine for your lifestyle content, it's irrelevant to this comm. If you are trying to be seen as masculine, let's have a discussion about why these things are seen as masculine.

Resources:

*The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love by Bell Hooks

founded 4 years ago
MODERATORS
MiraculousMM@hexbear.net
Nakoichi@hexbear.net
Breath_Of_The_Snake@hexbear.net
8
The comm is open again (hexbear.net)
submitted 4 months ago by Breath_Of_The_Snake@hexbear.net to c/menby@hexbear.net
11 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

Please chime in with the type of content and discussion you would like to see hear.

I’ve left up all the old posts instead of doing a thorough pruning (apparently it closed due to a lack of moderation letting too much slip through the cracks). If you’re interested in helping out without posting or moderating please report actively, while there is value in calling out in the comments and trying to teach leaving anything egregious up for too long could promote people blocking the comm even if they might otherwise want to see the “good” posts and/or milder learning opportunities.

Should probably do a poll on whether to be local only as well once it’s active again. So Sopranos emotes if you have an opinion on that.

Cheers

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[–] RedWizard@hexbear.net 3 points 4 months ago

I feel, a community like this is necessary for the project and movement of dismantling the paternal hierarchy we all are subject too. Feminism viewed through the lens of masculinity is a form of introspection, and without a space to discuss that introspection, both personal and collective, I imagine it difficult to build the kind of consciousness required for dismantling that hierarchy. A space like this helps further expose the systemic nature of patriarchy, the way in which it impacts all of us, it's demands of us tailored to our "role" in its design. To build a clear image of the scope and pervasiveness of patriarchy, we need to be able to see it through both Masculine and Feminine lenses, which is why trans and non-binary folk are some of the most critical members of this struggle.

I do think, however, "Mens" communities are some of the hardest ones to maintain. Their history shows us how easily these communities can devolve into male supremacist and male separatist movements. A lack of theory, ideological focus, and external practice leaves it vulnerable to sophistry and eventually chauvinism. While the feminist movement primarily deals with the external force of patriarchy imposed on the feminine population, the masculine struggle against patriarchy is, again, one of internal conflict. Masculine communities seeking to expose male struggles under patriarchy will inevitably have to confront the maintainers of those struggles within their membership. Ultimately, this internal contradiction, if maintained with conviction, can weaken this schism.

Maybe I'm being over analytical here. However, I do feel the lion's share of dismantling the patriarchy rests on the shoulders of masculine people, by rejecting patriarchies masculine norms we deny it the maintainers it needs to thrive and survive. Feminism brought to us the mirror, we mustn't look away from our refection, we need to confront it.