this post was submitted on 13 Oct 2024
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[–] imPastaSyndrome@lemm.ee 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Uh no, he's super horny for torture

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Yeah, but evangelicals also think Satan does all sorts of trickery on Earth all the time to thwart God. Which God somehow lets happen.

And then, of course, there's the fact that people can hurt their omnipotent god by doing things like saying "fuck" or kissing someone of their own gender. The god that's also omniscient, so he would have seen it coming before he did all the light let there being.

[–] Bytemeister@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Satan has to exist. Otherwise they would be responsible for the fucked up shit that they do.

I'm a good Christian. I only did a shit ton of drugs and orgies because SATAN made me do it. I can't go to hell because of what the devil did in my body. I can atone with god and he will clear my soul of wrongdoing. And then I can walk around in public without shame again.

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago

The best part is all you have to do is say you're sorry and you go to heaven. Then you just do more drugs and have more sex and then just say you're sorry again... works every time!

[–] imPastaSyndrome@lemm.ee 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

God is secretly horny for all that shit, He's Satan's bottom.

He's just repressed, like a Republican senator.

Weird how we all make gods in our own image

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

That and I think their god hates them.

[–] imPastaSyndrome@lemm.ee 3 points 1 month ago

Well yeah, they hate themselves

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago

I’m firmly convinced that Christianity can be broken into polytheistic (folk Catholics especially), dualistic (everyone screaming about the devil), and monotheistic (all Christians are influenced by it and so any individual Christian may be). The dualists scare me