this post was submitted on 03 Nov 2024
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We occasionally get similar posts here. You might be in a different situation than most of your peers. But certainly not the only one telling this story here on Lemmy. And at 24 you're not even that old compared to other people who are 30 or past that and in a similar situation.
Don't pressure yourself too much. That'd be my advice. Life isn't a competition in who has sex at what age. There is more to it. If you want to focus on career, if if you're too busy or just introverted... That's fine. If you're unhappy and want a partner, go ahead and try to change something about it, go out and socialize, go dating. Just be aware society always tries to pressure us into doing things, like have sex, or a beautiful partner, or buy a big SUV or pickup truck or whatever. The thing is, you're not everyone else but an individual. Go figure what's good for you, and not what everyone else wants you to do. If you let them reduce you to that, that's a sure way to become unhappy.
(Edit: And I can empathize. Any fear of missing out is real. But usually things look more exciting and indispensable than they really are. And you can never change the past. Be a bit careful when growing up not to become some grumpy version of yourself who is just sad about the past and missed opportunities. It's usually more healthy to focus on the opportunities which lie ahead, because these are the ones you can still take.)
Well I have tried to go on dates or try to find someone but I am also picky with the people I choose to go out with. What I take most from your comment is the last part, thank you.
Take care. I figure most people hear all phrases and empty words in situations like that. There might be something true in those phrases but I'm pretty sure they don't light anyone's mood. I think it's completely valid to be picky with dates. I did the same. Also meant I was older than lots of my friends when I found a first partner. Like way older. But these go along. You can't have it both ways.
And reading through the other comments here, it seems you're struggling with your own identity. Who you are, who you want to be and what makes you you... I can only say having had sex is not a big part of what defines someone. It's mainly other things. And btw, if you hook up with someone and their main concern is whether you're virgin or if your body-count is exactly right... They're not paying attention to who you really are. They should like you because you're interesting, or funny, have similar goals in life, or you're a nice person, maybe someone to trust. Those are the important things about people. Focusing just on sex is for people who are mostly concerned with that. I'd say valid if you're looking for someone for a one-night-stand, but next to unimportant to long term relationships.
And with the other milestones in life... I think I already gave my perspective. All the find a girl, build a house, settle down and the proper ages for that originate from other people. You can choose to take it and run with that. Or these aren't meant for you. Sometimes circumstances don't allow for it, sometimes it turns out it's not what makes you happy. And seems you're not in a particularly bad place. You're relatively young, you took care of your education and are about to graduate. You did a good job with that. I agree it'll become harder to meet new people once you start an internship and then start working. And you're at the correct age to re-evaluate your goals and what you achieved. We do that at certain times in our lives. Finding one's identity is hard and a struggle. I don't know your whole story. I mean if you're otherwise well, feel free to explore and/or be who you are. Or change your mind about things. Just try to find your own interests and passions. And take your time with that. If it feels hard to do it, that's because it is. (Disclaimer: All of that is just my perspective on life. Not necessarily true.)
Yeah I mean overall my life is good. I have education, I am financially stable, in good health. But its hard to see where to go from here especially not having found anyone.
Also something I have not mentioned, which I dont know if its valid or stupid to think this way but I would ideally like to lose my virginity with someone else who is a virgin. Since if I have been waiting so long for the right person I would like to feel that way too for them to choose me as the right person
Hmmh, yeah that further narrows down the list of potential candidates. I can't give any good recommendation. To give some insight: Most people say their first time wasn't good sex at all. It's unfamiliar, you don't know what to do, you're stressed out and it doesn't feel good etc. It's certainly exciting and something to remember. But usually not enjoyable. And keep in mind losing virginity is a one-time thing. You can enjoy the look or habits or jokes of someone each day they're around. The virginity thing is something you do one day and then it has lost it's meaning in a way. Idk. Make of this what you will. I can sympathize with someone saying they don't want to experience their first time with some random person but with someone special. I think that's valid. The other way around is a bit more tricky. You can't really expect that from someone. You can try. At the same time be aware of your high standards and expectations. That doesn't mean you have to lower your standards. But you could squander a chance at meeting your potential partner if you're not open to it. And these things happen if you're focused on small details and that makes you unable to look at the whole picture of who someone is.
And the last thing, we all can't look into the future. Statistically, your first partner won't end up being your spouse. It's a nice romantic dream to marry your first love. But more something from a movie. So if you're going for that, that could also turn out to be a fruitless endeavor. In any case, you'll know in hindsight. But I really don't know how much effort to put into making a fist relationship perfect. Maybe it's a good idea to strive for it, but not be entirely crestfallen if it turns out differently.
Care to list your standards?
If that's too personal no sweat.
Its hard to list them just like that and some of them are pretty standard IMO. I would say the most impactful standard that I have is non smoker (tabaco), weed I dont mind as long as it isn't a habit.
Other which I feel like is really big is consistent communication. Which you might think is easy to find but in my experience some girls just dont answer for days and that is not something which I appricate. i know in some situations it just means that she is not that interested but I get that a lot :/
This is one of the obvious ones I guess but not being mean and initialy trying to be nice to people.
It's very good that your standards are not based on your perception of beauty. Keep at it.