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DNC Email Pleads For $20 To Cheer Them Up (theonion.com)

submitted 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) by IndustryStandard@lemmy.world to c/theonion@midwest.social

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“ATTENTION VOTERS: Kamala Harris and her fellow Democrats woke up this morning feeling EXTREMELY BUMMED,” wrote House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries in a 600-word email with the subject line “URGENT: VERY SAD.”

“Last night was HARD, but with your HELP, we can make sure Republicans don’t take away our SMILES completely.

For just $20, you can put the PEP back in our STEP. Are you with me?” At press time, the DNC sent a follow-up email that featured photos of Harris, Nancy Pelosi, and Liz Cheney frowning alongside a caption that read “LOOK WHAT YOU DID.”

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[–] Windex007@lemmy.world 35 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Greetings, friends. Do you wish to look as happy as me? Well, you've got the power inside you right now. So, use it, and send one dollar to Happy Dude, 742 Evergreen Terrace, Springfield. Don't delay, eternal happiness is just a dollar away.

[–] Semi_Hemi_Demigod@lemmy.world 9 points 1 month ago

I'd rather have the dollar

[–] mycelium_underground@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago

I was hoping to become happy enough to not shit post on Lemmy, is that $2 or $3?