this post was submitted on 03 Dec 2024
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askchapo

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Can you comment on or add to this? Someone told me don't think in terms of "blame." To instead think "who/what caused this." (hexbear.net)
submitted 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) by HexaSnoot@hexbear.net to c/askchapo@hexbear.net
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To not have the question of who's to blame hanging over every situation.

I grew up in a very abusive household. Where the question of "who's to dole out punishment on" was at the end of nearly every little situation. Looking back, it was excuses for authority figures to get violent over nonsense "blame/deserve/not deserve" rules. The liberal ideology of "This is just the way it is, and if it isn't, then it's X's fault and they deserve violence. Don't think about it, you dirty thinker. Critique of this system deserves violence." This zero thought produced harmful black and white thinking in me. It also led me to thinking I deserved endless violence and "that's just the way it is." They were always holding back being violent all the time or they let themselves go for it under what was actually their self-excusing system.

A good parent should teach you to ask "who/what caused this" and interrogate everything you can.

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[โ€“] context@hexbear.net 12 points 1 month ago (1 children)

i agree. blame and punishment don't help people learn or overcome obstacles external to themselves, and so they're also self-defeating from management and pedagogical points of view. if the goal is to motivate specific behaviors or ability to complete a particular task, simply blaming and punishing someone will fail to find underlying problems that could be resolved in a way that improves the situation.

it's a consequence of strongly stratified hierarchies, partly because sometimes the underlying problem is the hierarchical structure needing to be reorganized.

[โ€“] HexaSnoot@hexbear.net 7 points 1 month ago

it's a consequence of strongly stratified hierarchies, partly because sometimes the underlying problem is the hierarchical structure needing to be reorganized.

Yeah I should've learned at least one thing from them about how to be talked to as an equal.