CW: chapter 2 contains a detailed description of child abuse by a parent
Hello comrades, it's time for our second discussion thread for The Will to Change, covering Chapters 2 (Understanding Patriarchy) and 3 (Being a Boy). Thanks to everyone who participated last week, I’m looking forward to hearing everyone’s thoughts again. And if you’re just joining the book club this week, welcome!
In Ch.2 hooks defines patriarchy, how it is enforced by parental figures and society at large, and the struggle of antipatriarchal parents to raise children outside of these rigid norms when the border culture is so immersed in them. Ch.3 delves deeper into the effects of patriarchy on young boys and girls and the systemic apparatuses that reinforce gender norms.
If you haven't read the book yet but would like to, its available free on the Internet Archive in text form, as well as an audiobook on Youtube with content warnings at the start of each chapter, courtesy of the Anarchist Audio Library, and as an audiobook on our very own TankieTube! (note: the YT version is missing the Preface but the Tankietube version has it)
As always let me know if you'd like to be added to the ping list!
Our next discussion will be on Chapters 4 (Stopping Male Violence) and 5 (Male Sexual Being), beginning on 12/11.
Reading chapter 3 "Being a Boy" was kind of eye opening since it both perfectly described some of my life while being completely wrong on others. I never really had a demanding, shaming, patriarchal father so the in home things did not resonate but the peer pressure really did. I was one of those need to put on a mask kind of children. I remember being both the victim of and doing some of the taunting and bullying to those who didn't conform. I have never really been into all of the Macho activities but I was into some and remember thinking was I Manly enough. I didn't play Football but soccer which was mocked as "feminine" but I remember thinking it was more violent and badass than football so these boys didn't know what they were talking about. So even while rejecting their narratives I was writing my own parallel narrative of toughness and manliness. I remember think similar thoughts throughout my life and still don't broadcast my more "feminine" and non-traditional hobbies often.
The real heart of this peace is the quotes below (emphasis mine):
I think often about how I was barely taught what emotions were or how to deal with them. I remember one big lesson about anger from my father where he said "We can't control our anger but can control what we do with them". Which was helpful but still taught me to shut it down and hide it away. I still hear people often say that raising a boy is so much easier than raising a daughter which just shows they don't do actually do any raising for their boys. They are just letting the culture raise them or ignoring them.