this post was submitted on 04 Dec 2024
82 points (100.0% liked)

menby

8010 readers
1 users here now

A space for masculine folks to talk about living under patriarchy.

Detoxing masculinity since 1990!

You don’t get points for feminism, feminism is expected.

Guidelines:

  1. Questions over blame
  2. Humility over pride
  3. Wisdom over dogma
  4. Actions over image

Rules (expansions on the guidelines):

  1. Mistakes should be learning experiences when possible.
    • Do not attack comrades displaying vulnerability for what they acknowledge are mistakes.
    • If you see good-faith behavior that's toxic, do your best to explain why it's toxic.
    • If you don't have the energy to engage, report and move on.
    • This includes past mistakes. If you've overcome extreme reactionary behavior, we'd love to know how.
    • A widened range of acceptable discussion means a greater need for sensitivity and patience for your comrades.
    • Examples:
      • "This is reactionary. Here's why."
      • "I know that {reality}, but I feel like {toxicity}"
      • "I don't understand why this is reactionary, but it feels like it {spoilered details}"
  2. You are not entitled to the emotional labor of others.
    • Constantly info-dumping and letting us sort through your psyche is not healthy for any of us.
    • If you feel a criticism of you is unfair, do not lash out.
    • If you can't engage self-critically, delete your post.
    • If you don't know how to phrase why it's unfair, say so.
  3. No singular masculine ideal.
    • This includes promoting gender-neutral traits like "courage" or "integrity" as "manly".
    • Suggestions for an individual to replace a toxic ideal is fine.
    • Don't reinforce the idea the fulfillment requires masculinity.
    • This also includes tendency struggle-sessions.
  4. No lifestyle content.
    • Post the picture of your new grill in !food (feminine people like grills too smh my head).
    • Post the picture of the fish you caught in !sports (feminine people like fish too smdh my damn head).
    • At best, stuff like this is off-topic. At worst, it's reinforcing genders norms..
    • If you're not trying to be seen as masculine for your lifestyle content, it's irrelevant to this comm. If you are trying to be seen as masculine, let's have a discussion about why these things are seen as masculine.

Resources:

*The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love by Bell Hooks

founded 4 years ago
MODERATORS
MiraculousMM@hexbear.net
Nakoichi@hexbear.net
Breath_Of_The_Snake@hexbear.net
IgnusNilsen@hexbear.net
82
"The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love" by bell hooks BOOK CLUB - Chapters 2 and 3 Discussion (hexbear.net)
submitted 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) by MiraculousMM@hexbear.net to c/menby@hexbear.net
50 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

CW: chapter 2 contains a detailed description of child abuse by a parent

Hello comrades, it's time for our second discussion thread for The Will to Change, covering Chapters 2 (Understanding Patriarchy) and 3 (Being a Boy). Thanks to everyone who participated last week, I’m looking forward to hearing everyone’s thoughts again. And if you’re just joining the book club this week, welcome!

In Ch.2 hooks defines patriarchy, how it is enforced by parental figures and society at large, and the struggle of antipatriarchal parents to raise children outside of these rigid norms when the border culture is so immersed in them. Ch.3 delves deeper into the effects of patriarchy on young boys and girls and the systemic apparatuses that reinforce gender norms.

If you haven't read the book yet but would like to, its available free on the Internet Archive in text form, as well as an audiobook on Youtube with content warnings at the start of each chapter, courtesy of the Anarchist Audio Library, and as an audiobook on our very own TankieTube! (note: the YT version is missing the Preface but the Tankietube version has it)

As always let me know if you'd like to be added to the ping list!

Our next discussion will be on Chapters 4 (Stopping Male Violence) and 5 (Male Sexual Being), beginning on 12/11.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] dumples@midwest.social 2 points 1 month ago

Every day, you see men, powerful, statused-up, straining-billfolds and freshly-pressed suits men getting out of pricey cars with their trophy wives on the lockscreens of their phones-- and you know you want that; the society you live in has primed you to not only desire that with every iota of your being; but has more or less told you that if you play the game of Patriarchy correctly, you’d get it.

The crazy thing is that if you are a walking Red Flag like these guys the only way to get women is by playing the Patriarchy game correctly. They can't not play that game because they would have to change and take accountability for your actions. If you are a walking Red Flag all women and most men will run away at the first sign of being asshole. Except those who are using you for something else like money or status. So for this powerful statused-up assholes the only women they see want to use them because they self-select that way. Everyone else would run away or not engage. So from their perspective they are correct but they don't see their world isn't the only one.

The thing about these Manosphere / success influences is they want people to play their own game by their own rules because they are already winning that game. Its like a MLM where you need people to buy in or else it all collapsed. They need people to play their success game using their rules so they can win. I have recently tried to remind myself that I am trying to play "the happy life game" not the "capitalisms successful life game".