this post was submitted on 07 Dec 2024
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askchapo

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Cishet dudes of Hexbear: Do feel that certain gender or sexuality norms are harmful to you personally? If so, what are they and how would you say they affect you? (hexbear.net)
submitted 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) by Carcharodonna@hexbear.net to c/askchapo@hexbear.net
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So, back when I was "still cis tho", there were a lot of aspects of male gender norms that bothered me deeply and of course I totally understand why now. Even though these days I obviously have a clear reason for feeling that way, I'm still curious if cishet men also have issues with how norms or expectations around gender and sexuality impact them in a negative way.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on how those norms impact you, whether good or bad.

Also, I should mention that since this is a bit of a sensitive subject we're talking about here, please be thoughtful and sensitive when discussing with others in this thread. Thanks! <3

EDIT: Much thanks for all the great responses here! I know it's a difficult topic of course, so I appreciate you sharing your thoughts/feelings like this.

Speaking of which... I just looked at /c/menby and some of the posts on the front page there are over 2 years old. I see a lot of the discussion here centered around not being able to share feelings and/or not having the spaces or support to do that in. /c/menby seems like the perfect place for that, just sayin'.

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[โ€“] Thordros@hexbear.net 12 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

You saying this has helped me appreciate how my experience has been colored. When I am a male mentor figure to a boy, his mother sees a positive male role model teaching and supporting her son and dad sees a patriarch training a recruit.

I appreciate being seen. That means a lot to me. Care-Comrade

You hit the nail on the head. If I brought a couple boys to go play with dinosaur toys in the sand at the park, and I watched them intently, and engaged with their interests the whole time, I'd be the coolest, most extremely bangable single Dad in the region.

But I brought a couple girls to go play with dinosaur toys in the sand at the park, and I watched them intently, and engaged with their interests the whole time. There's now a weirdo playing with little girls at the park. Where are their mothers? POLICE???

Living with that hanging over your head as a dad who's a primary caregiver really fucks a guy up.

[โ€“] Thordros@hexbear.net 10 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Also, just based on my experience pushing a giant stroller around, I could probably rant for a week straight about wheelchair accessibility in public spaces. And I was just pushing a baby around! I didn't have to deal with that ABSOLUTE FUCKING BULLSHIT for the rest of my life! And I'm still mad about it! Imagine how wheelchair users feel! Holy shit. I am mad again.