this post was submitted on 07 Dec 2024
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askchapo

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Cishet dudes of Hexbear: Do feel that certain gender or sexuality norms are harmful to you personally? If so, what are they and how would you say they affect you? (hexbear.net)
submitted 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) by Carcharodonna@hexbear.net to c/askchapo@hexbear.net
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So, back when I was "still cis tho", there were a lot of aspects of male gender norms that bothered me deeply and of course I totally understand why now. Even though these days I obviously have a clear reason for feeling that way, I'm still curious if cishet men also have issues with how norms or expectations around gender and sexuality impact them in a negative way.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on how those norms impact you, whether good or bad.

Also, I should mention that since this is a bit of a sensitive subject we're talking about here, please be thoughtful and sensitive when discussing with others in this thread. Thanks! <3

EDIT: Much thanks for all the great responses here! I know it's a difficult topic of course, so I appreciate you sharing your thoughts/feelings like this.

Speaking of which... I just looked at /c/menby and some of the posts on the front page there are over 2 years old. I see a lot of the discussion here centered around not being able to share feelings and/or not having the spaces or support to do that in. /c/menby seems like the perfect place for that, just sayin'.

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[–] Real_User@hexbear.net 40 points 7 months ago (5 children)

You've gotta be so weird about women to fit in with other dudes. Trying to understand women as people and not as some mysterious alien species makes you an immediate outcast.

Fairly benign example: men will frequently complain about how women will "complain about something and then get mad when you tell them how to fix it". Trying to explain the concept of venting (they're doing it right now! They're venting right now about women!) has usually gotten me reactions that range from weird looks and disbelief to arguments that women actually just love not solving problems.

Obvs this isn't as big of a problem as having to put up with men refusing to understand you but it still sucks being expected to participate in it

[–] redtea@lemmygrad.ml 9 points 7 months ago

You’ve gotta be so weird about women to fit in with other dudes.

A friend from school was getting married. I hadn't seen him for years for one reason or another. I met up with him and his future wife and a few others. She was sat between him and me.

Thought it would be a nice to speak to her as if she was a person. He starts calling me homophobic names as if that would be the only reason why I would talk to a woman as an equal. So his wife just sat there for the whole meal in silence as he spoke with the person to his right and kind of forbade her from talking to me.

What a dick head. I left before dessert and never saw him or her again. I can't stand that kind of man.

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