The Onion

4695 readers

389 users here now

The Onion

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

Great Satire Writing:

founded 3 years ago

MODERATORS

seahorse@midwest.social

pbrisgreat@midwest.social

122

Your Horoscope: Cancer (June 21 to July 22) (lemm.ee)

submitted 3 days ago by TachyonTele@lemm.ee to c/theonion@midwest.social

9 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Cancer
(June 21 to July 22):

Steer clear of shadowy figures who threaten you with knives, guns, or other weapons—they may intend to do you bodily harm.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] Atelopus-zeteki@fedia.io 13 points 3 days ago (3 children)

I'm so glad I read this post. I'm def. following this advice. I'm quitting my nighttime knife club, gun club, club club, and explosives club. That really opens up my calendar.

[–] SomeAmateur@sh.itjust.works 5 points 3 days ago

Real loading screen tips here

[–] MarcomachtKuchen@feddit.org 2 points 3 days ago

What I would give for a good club club near me...

[–] Opisek@lemmy.world 1 points 3 days ago (1 children)

What about the fight club?

[–] Atelopus-zeteki@fedia.io 7 points 3 days ago

We don't talk about fight club.