this post was submitted on 21 Dec 2024
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I'm editing a story right now, and they use this construction with no speaking verbs a lot:

Rachel was finishing washing the dinner plates, “I know this will be hard on them, but Shelby needs to go on home."

I know you could replace that comma with a period, but I wonder if it's common to use a comma or semicolon to avoid slowing the reader too much?

This next one makes more sense to me because laughing could conceivably be a speaking verb:

Maddie's laugh was laced with sarcasm, “Mark, looks like you’ve got a friend.”

That one could even be a colon...

Am I overthinking this? Should I just replace them all with periods?

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[–] OgdenTO@hexbear.net 2 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Isn't the normal construction with a comma to have a verb in the first phrase that has the subject actively speaking, and then the quoted texted separated by a comma from that phrase?

Eg:
From the kitchen, Maddie said, "who likes their tofu burned?"

On this writer's way of writing, that would be:
Maddie was in the kitchen, "who likes their tofu burned?"

That is, the author is missing that linking verb. Can you add those in, or are those part of the author's unique voice?

[–] FumpyAer@hexbear.net 2 points 2 months ago

The story is so dialogue-heavy that I'd like to avoid adding more linking verbs. I'd rather just separate it as-is with some punctuation. My question was whether it's normal to use a comma there to avoid a more pronounced stop to the flow of reading, but honestly, I think that a period won't be that different in terms of how the story is delivered.