this post was submitted on 02 Sep 2023
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The birthday thing fascinates me because it's the exact opposite of how you would handle it in the US. Here you would wish them a happy birthday and then move on since you weren't invited.
In the USA, the birthday thing is the best thing about the USA. It's all about being selfless (I'm American btw, been living in Spain for so long I'm a citizen) and it's actually something that creates conflict in interpersonal relationships between natives of Spain and the friends they make that are not from here. It is a huge drama that somebody needs to make a documentary film about now. This birthday thing has no age. It could be a 20th birthday or a 100th birthday. You ain't invited, you didn't know, you didn't bring the presents, you just keep to yourself in the public venue. It's harsh. It's harsh because you were excluded and you don't care, because you're American, you just want to be nice and wish them a happy birthday. Spanish people are all nope on that shit. It's all about the presents and who bought you the drinks and food.
are you saying its transactional then? like a social contract of "it's my birthday, so I'm paying for my guests food and drink." You, my guest, have accepted that contract by bringing a gift?
This flies in the face of birthdays I'm used to. There's no expectation that If I invite someone to my birthday that a) they need to give me a gift (I would never expect that) or b) I'm paying for their food and drink. I guess because that social contract isn't in place, the idea that someone can come over and say happy birthday isn't a big deal. It's just a gathering that happens to be on my birthday.
It's not really transactional. It's just a situation where you got left out of the birthday and happened to go out to the same place where the birthday is being celebrated. However, it's interesting to note that there is no such thing as a surprise birthday party. The birthday boy or girl is the one that throws the party because of the reciprocity aspect. You wouldn't be caught dead attending a birthday without a present for the person whose birthday it is. You also wouldn't be caught dead letting people bring you birthday presents AND buying you dinner. It's more like "tit for tat" than "transactional."