this post was submitted on 01 Sep 2023
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I find this kind of article discouraging for two different reasons. First, the initial statement that it makes, what's on the surface. You see all these people making all these horrible comments and it's sad.
The other thing that's just as discouraging to me is the reaction. From what I understand the best way to approach this kind of thing is through education and compassion, ultimately leading to conversion.
You'll never convince anyone by screaming at them and you'll just bring yourself "to their level"
What I would like to see instead It's for everyone to be a little bit more like Daryl Davis. Now I understand that not everyone has the patience of Daryl Davis, but I think this man's example is the ultimate model to follow.
For those who don't already know, Daryl Davis is an African American blues musician but spent his free time converting a couple hundred Klan members from being racist. I understand that's a really clumsy way to say it but I really don't have a better term for that because people don't typically believe that people can be converted from racism. This dude did it.
What I find really discouraging is that the anger, the vitriol, the pain at hearing these things come out of people's faces is fully human, a natural response, a normal response. What I fear is that if we don't all become like Daryl will none of us survive. What I fear is that it's not fair to expect many people to become like Daryl at all.
There's just too much money to be made peddling rage.
damn that was an interesting read.
The guy is just downright fascinating. I don't know how he managed to get himself to the place where he could just go sit down in a bar with some klansmen and just be like "hey dude you want to have a drink?" but in my mind, this is what the transphobic hateful Christians do not understand about being christ-like. It's this guy. Daryl. This guy is the epitome of the phrase "forgive them for they know not what they do".
And if you don't like Christianity that's fine don't call him Christlike, call him the ultimate humanist. He's seeing the human, he seeing the person, he has the ability to differentiate the opinion from the human being that's sitting in front of him spewing out the vitriol.
That, my friend, is some next level shit right there.
Would you like to know more?
Yeah! And he seems to do it with such simplicity. Also its cool he has a podcast, I might listen to that.
Makes me wonder- could the same be done with alt right types?
I think it can be but the power in what he does is that he is exactly what they're supposed to be hating, right? He is the person that they say that they hate!
I feel like I almost wouldn't be able to do what he's doing in this particular case because I'm not trans, I'm not gay, there's no reason for them to see me as the Boogeyman that they're told to hate.
To the extent that I represent what they fear, what they despise, yes, I am able to do the kind of thing with right-wingers that he is able to do with klansman.
Case and point, my neighbors are racist. They voted for Trump. They think that getting vaccinated is a bunch of bullshit. Some of those things will never be able to fully combat because there's too much working against you right? There's this whole dialog, this whole propaganda machine that you would be fighting against. What I do know is that they see me as a person, they see me even as a friend because we're on good terms. I'm not some boogie man, I'm not some lib that needs to be owned, I'm a neighbor, I'm a human fucking being.
Certainly it will never be a cure-all for ignorance but actually having relationships with other human beings really does show us that we've got more in common than different and that there is something else for us to unite against that is working against us.
We need to all be in this together and that can never be the case if we are all fighting each other.
I fail to see how befriending your racist neighbors does anything at all. You said yourself, you're not from any of the marginalized groups they hate. You just...have a racist friend now. And if you have a racist friend...
https://youtu.be/gqH_0LPVoho?si=7ApInnX6AC7YFyCg
Maybe if I asked you a question, you might understand my point better.
If I choose anger, outrage, fury... If I alienate my neighbor, my literal neighbor, what does that achieve me? What do I get?
If I proved to them that I am everything that they have been told to hate about liberals instead of talking to them about what we both believe the real problem is, and having met them, talk to them, and befriended them, I see now that we both agree about at least done, what would I have achieved? Can you answer me that?
How would I have bettered myself? How would I have better than? Would the world be a better place? If you can answer me that, then I think I might understand a bit more about where you're coming from.
Edit: so I woke up, had a shower, and thought about this a little bit. I have introspection and reflection on what I'm thinking and what I am doing. If I find flaws that only means that I am more able to find better ways to do what I want to do. So, do you feel like everything that you think is correct? Do you look for flaws in your own thinking?
Finally, they are my neighbors in the end so there's that, but also how can I possibly speak up for those who are marginalized and who are minorities if I are not in the conversation at all? If no one is listening, doesn't matter what you're saying? If I'm not changing any minds, am I accomplishing anything or am I just in another fucking echo chamber talking to like-minded people and accomplishing nothing?
In the end, I just question what are my goals? What kind of world do I want to live in? How is what I'm doing achieving those goals?
I want peace and unity. I want kindness.
There is a difference between keeping peaceful relations with your neighbor and befriending them though. You said yourself they are not likely to change their mind. If that is true your friendship does nothing to help marginalized folks. In fact it hurts them since your friendship is a tacit endorsement of their behavior. I'm not saying yell and scream and throw stuff at them when you see them, but there is a difference between cordial neighbor and friends. If you really want unity and kindness, you can't tolerate hate.
https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/toleration/
Or if you want a shorter read
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paradox_of_tolerance
Fair. If they were going to go and say racist shit, in any way, I'm not exactly about to let it slide. I see your point though and will keep it in mind, next time I see them.
Yeah, I think the reason I stayed in shitty places like 4chan and other alt right places was because I thought I was getting through to people.
And I am someone they hate. I'm a bisexual woman who actually dated women and I'm filipino. So bam, two things they not only hate but like to exploit and use.
But I found they often will go along with stuff like this just so they can add fuel to their fire so to speak. They want to have stories where someone tried to explain something to them, or they want to have that argument about how "black men have a violent gene" like they would just enjoy discussing that instead of actually changing their mind. They love to be contrarian about anything.
And of course that's the crowd that overlaps with white supremacy. So it seems like you can through to some of them who probably aren't in that deep but others- you're right, there's too much working against you to fight it. Plus the people you're fighting, are enjoying the fight.
Like how do you get through to someone who gets off on that?
Well, I think that with those that are just playing a game trying to see how much they can agitate you, you don't engage in that part. That reminds me of a conversation I had as a 7cups of tea listener before I realized 7cups is kinda evil. They were trying to "shock" me by saying outrageous and disgusting things about incest. They were unable to handle it when I decided to throw radical acceptance at them and was like , "yeah, that must make your life hard. I'm sorry to hear that, do you have a therapist that you can talk to about that.." and so on.
Maybe they were being sincere, maybe, but when I just treated them with kindness, they realized it wasn't fun and they left the conversation. They realized, I think, that they were just being inappropriate.
There is no way to get through to everyone, all you can do is try.