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how do you engage with what's happening so that you can act? (hexbear.net)

submitted 2 days ago by RiotDoll@hexbear.net to c/chat@hexbear.net

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I kind of saw this coming. It doesn't matter, because I didn't prepare. I kept hoping things werent as bad as i've thought. I've spent a lot of days since Jan 20 trying to thread a needle between staying appraised of what's going on, for my own safety, and trying not to give in to panic and despair.

But... life has been hard. I disassociate from scary stuff. Most days I don't think about things, while a little voice in my head screams, "You can't be sitting still. There's so much you need to do."

But that's what I do. I spend a lot of time trying to find work and make ends meet. I spend a lot of time just coping with my moment on a small level; the wider world seems unimportant when my day to day struggle is mostly... trying to be ok

but im starting to realize I can't be ok. I have a lot of time that's being wasted. Things are happening in the US that are about to make my life hellish and dangerous, and i'm doing nothing, trying to find a job and acting like things aren't going to be absolutely batty within a year.

I can't do it anymore, but I don't have a natural mindset that lets me just break out.

What are y'all doing? How do you overcome the urge to just... keep going on the track you know?

I can't keep acting like everything is fine. Nothing is fucking fine.

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[–] CeliacMcCarthy@hexbear.net 10 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

How do you live?
I just keep going. I knew this was coming.
You knew it was coming?
Yeah. This or something like it. I always believed in it.
Did you try to get ready for it?
No. What would you do?
I don’t know.
People were always getting ready for tomorrow. I didn’t believe in that. Tomorrow wasn’t getting ready for them. It didn’t even know they were there.
I guess not.
Even if you knew what to do you wouldn't know what to do. You wouldn't know if you wanted to do it or not.