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I've never even owned stocks.
My personal history of owning individual stocks has been very disappointing. If you ever decide you want to invest in the equity market, I recommend exchange traded funds (ETFs) that follow an index and have a really low expense ratio. My favorite exchange traded funds are VT, VTI, VTV, VXUS, BND, and BNDX. VBR may be a good one if you ever want exposure to smaller companies.
Mutual funds are another option, similar to ETFs.
Be very careful with mutual funds in this climate. Most are heavily weighted towards the Mag7 which include some of the most massively overinflated stocks.
That's why I like the "value" themed ones, like VTV. Those follow indices with companies having a somewhat reasonable price to earnings ratio.
If I wanted to play with pretend money, Monopoly is right there.
Playing monopoly is definitely a viable option if it makes you happy. The best investments in life are those that benefit mental and/or physical health.
You have no retirement fund at all? What the fack?
Some of us live paycheck to paycheck, Karen.
Have you tried not?
Oh sure, I'll just wave my magic wand and make it so that after I pay all my bills I have thousands of dollars left over to invest!
We all have bills, though. How much do you spend on fast food or other luxuries? What is your monthly income and how much are the hard bills (like utilities)? If you don't mind sharing since we're all anonymous on here anyway, maybe we can figure this out.
Oh my god.
I've considered all of these things. I know my finances better than you do. I live with family and don't even have to pay rent and I still don't make enough to invest in your magic money market. I don't need help from stockbros. You're doing the financial equivalent of "you're disabled? have you tried exercising and smiling more?" Maybe consider that you don't know everything.
I never said that I know everything and wasn't even thinking about the market at all; I was just concerned about a paycheck-to-paycheck life, especially if you happened to be living alone, but never mind.