Stop Drinking

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This is a place to motivate each other to control or stop drinking. It is also a place for non drinkers to discuss and share.

We welcome anyone who wishes to join in by asking for advice, sharing our experiences and stories, or just encouraging someone who is trying to quit or cut down.

Please post only when sober; you’re welcome to read in the meanwhile.

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I Need to Quit For Good (lemmy.ml)

submitted 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) by MorallyCoffee@lemmy.ml to c/stopdrinking@lemmy.world

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I know this sub isn't very active, but I don't have accounts anywhere else, so here goes . . .

I don't want to get into details right now, but my wife has made me promise to divorce her if I ever drink again . . . my heart is broken for the pain I have caused her to get us to this point.

I feel so stupid that this isn't the first time I've been here, either. I feel so stupid saying "this time it's for real," because we all know what to expect when an alcoholic says that :(

In terms of quantity, I've actually been drinking much less the past few years, but I think the infrequency might even be making my "mistakes" even worse when they happen :( So I don't have the excuse of infrequency. I can truly never drink again, and I'm so afraid I'm going to mess it up. I have CPTSD with terrible emotional flashbacks, and I'm afraid I'll lose control during one of them and ruin my marriage once and for all :(

So this is me, I'm here to join the stopdrinking community. Any encouragement, stories or advice you can give would be most welcome. Thank you.

Edit: Wow, thank you for the outpouring of support! I can't reply to all of your comments, but know that I've read and treasure them!

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[–] ladicius@lemmy.world 20 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

Advice... Mine would be to address the root cause. As you already mention yourself: Alcohol is a drug to cover wounds and pain, and in some dark way it's working. The price is very hefty, too hefty, and I don't want you to lose your wife and marriage.

Did you ever receive professional support or did you ever join a support group for your complex trauma? Even if it takes time to get support it's worth it. As important it is to care for the alcohol: You'll have to take on the other beast, too.

Make your wife your companion on this way and tell her you will sometimes need some advice on the right direction, or find some other companions. Don't go alone. You are not alone.

[–] MorallyCoffee@lemmy.ml 12 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Thank you. About professional support: yes and no. I've been a basket case my (39) entire life and finally saw a therapist intensively for "depression" age 29-35. I benefited a lot from him, but for some reason in all those years he never mentioned CPTSD, even though I was a classic case and would have benefited tremendously from that psychoeducation. I only learned about it a few years ago when desperately googling for explanations for my behavior. So the therapy session I have scheduled for next week will be the first one for CPTSD, and I plan to ask about IFS.

As for me and my wife, I'll have to make her a companion only in the most general sense, because she is understandably done rescuing me (her words). I can be vulnerable with her, but not on this topic. And what makes it worse is that we live a pretty secluded life together. We're both basically immigrants in the town we live in, we don't really fit in, we're far from our families, and we both have strong personalities that tend to repel as much as they attract. We are all we have, which makes my drinking even more of a betrayal :(

Maybe I'll mention the seclusion to the therapist as well.

[–] ladicius@lemmy.world 6 points 1 week ago

Hey, you are a good guy, you reflect on your situation in a very mature way. Carry on with that attitude, it's strong.

Come here, have a bro hug. You are not alone.