this post was submitted on 03 Jun 2025
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Thanks everyone for the encouragement today!
blathering
I'm afraid to say I only read two papers and wrote down about two lines of notes but the upshot is my brain seemed to be doing some reorganising/processing and I didn't leave uni feeling sick and worthless like all the other times I didn't get stuff done. That's helpful because the avoidance is definitely coming from an emotional place...... And I managed to have a really good psych session today which, while intense, helped me get through the "everything feels like shit", "ADHD executive function hacks aren't helping" part and through to reframing things with a trauma lens (I had an academically hardcore schooling experience that ended badly and this has brought up a lot more of those subsumed thought patterns than I thought).
Like physically I feel better; I feel heard and things make sense and maybe I can try something different to get through all this. Rather than go "I have no executive function to walk into a crowd of people who will torture me and then push me off a cliff. Maybe if I break it down into steps it will help" and wonder why it's not working...
One thing I've decided to allow myself until I finish this is splurging on whatever I want with food. If eating lunch out daily, or getting all the smoked salmon, or getting TWO pizzas helps fill the tank, I have my full permission.
Anyway I'm going to go buy some smoked salmon now and see what goodies are available at the Nice Woolies while I'm here.
E: there was smoked salmon on CLEARANCE so it was meant to be. And I bought some vegan meat thingos and frozen fish fillets on clearance and a bag of chips and tinned sardines and my favourite brand of instant coffee. And treats for sox, which were gladly consumed.
so many hugs, you're awesome ๐