this post was submitted on 17 Jun 2025
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Honestly, this is terrible advice for guys who are having trouble with women.
I only have real experience being me, and interacting with other people, for knowledge of what "people" are.
Let's say I'm in the park shooting hoops alone. I see someone else walking around in the park, not looking busy or in a hurry. I could wave at them and say "hey, wanna shoot some hoops?"
When I see a woman I'm attracted to, I want to fuck her. Personality, interests, etc - those are all nice and all. Those are things that make me want to hang out with a girl, spend time with her, talk to her. But if she has big tits and a thin waist, my penis says "hey, we should fuck her", and say "what a great idea, Penis!"
So based on my own personal internal experience of being human, my experience interacting with other humans in other contexts, and your advice that "women are just people" - what I should do is see a woman in the park, wave at her, and say "hey, wanna fuck?"
However, based on every other piece of information I have about how to interact with women, I am led to believe that I should not do this. So if women are just people, but I shouldn't interact with them in a way which is very understandable to me, then that must mean that I am not a normal person. That there is something wrong with me.
Now, based on the fact that I've already written this much, and the sheer fact that I'm here on Lemmy, this is probably a valid assumption. But sexually, it is not. Sexually, I'm a pretty normal guy. Guys are mostly aroused by people's physical forms and want sex immediately, with emotional connection being lower on the list of immediate priorities. This is very obvious if you simply look at a gay man's Grindr, where many men set a picture of their asshole as their leading profile pic and allow other users to see their location down to the meter so they can fuck Right. Now.
The reality is, men and women are different. At this point the gender studies crowd usually jumps in and says something about "gender essentialism", or about how "everyone is different." Great, everyone is different. But there are some broad trends we can observe, and for the purposes of heteronormative dating, we can fairly easily divide the world into men, women, and other, where "other" are largely irrelevant to the discussion since - if we are giving advice to heterosexual men - either you don't want to fuck them, or they don't want to fuck you. So we talk about men and women, and how you as a man should interact with women so that they will want to fuck you.
In order for a guy to improve at being fuckable, he needs to understand that women are different than him. That they want and expect different things. And this is fine. Yeah, women are people. But they are also women, and if you want to date women, you need to treat women like women like to be treated when they date someone.
Read it again, women are people too. What your approach is, is to think of them as objects to fuck, a different category to "people". You have your own issues to work through. Don't use people as means to an end.
No, you aren't pretty normal to think of everyone as "someone to fuck" and instead of saying "hey want to throw hoops together" to a woman too, you would say "want to fuck". That's asocial behavior.
And no, it doesn't matter that women and men have differences.
So yeah, drop this toxic line of thinking first.
So now you are treating this person as not a person... Good talk.
I don't know where you got that from, but you do you
I don't think of women as objects to fuck, because the feeling of horniness is an emotion which emerges before rational thought. Rational thought is plastered over our emotions post-hoc. That's how the brain works.
And what I described is how my sexuality works. If that offends you, well... That's your problem. I'm not going to apologize for something I didn't choose and can't change. And if we're going to have a discussion about how dating works, then I'm not going to lie.
Then why do all dating sites put pictures front and center?
Asocial is when you don't socialize. Asocial behavior would be not talking to anyone. What you are thinking of is antisocial behavior - behavior which violates social norms. And that's my point. There are social norms around asking women to have sex which don't exist around basketball or asking men to have sex, because men and women are different.
So you would tell a man to make a dick pic his lead photo on Tinder? Because that's what they do on Grindr.
Toxic thinking is denying reality and trying to invalidate someone else's sexuality because it contradicts your political views.
"I am not going to stop thinking of women as fuck objects and treat them as people, and if that offends you that's your problem"
I'm not "offended" by you, I'm telling you to change your thought patterns and stop being an incel in every sense of the word. No wall of text will excuse this line of thinking, or make it okay. I'm done talking with you - it's obvious you suffer from being chronically online and not understanding how to interact with people.
I'm ethically non-monogamous and am currently sleeping with multiple different women with their very enthusiastic consent. The fact that I understand and can speak frankly and honestly about my sexuality - as well as anything else on my mind - is a turn on for them because it means that they can understand how I'm feeling and appreciate that I am relating to them authentically.
They don't feel dehumanized by the fact that I think they are hot. They feel sexy and appreciated. And they understand that having sexual urges towards someone doesn't mean they can't also be human. Really, being sexually attracted to others and wanting others to be sexually attracted to you is one of the fundamental experiences of being human.
There is a stereotypical male sexuality which is based primarily around physical appearance. And there is a stereotypical female sexuality based around personality. These are not strictly limited to one gender or another, but the stereotypes exist for a reason - because the correspond with broad demographic trends. I have a stereotypically male sexuality. I understand and accept that the women I sleep with have a different sexuality in some ways. So I try to understand what they want, and give it to them, because I like seeing them happy. And they try to understand what I want and give it to me, because they like seeing me happy. We are different in some ways and similar in others, and that's part of what makes spending time with each other fun. So no, I'm not going to apologize or feel bad about my sexuality.
So when my wife wants to fuck me she sees me as an object ? But she never wants to fuck object though ?