Bro looks like he Superman, they should have had him play Superman at some point
Instead of whatever the hell Man of Steel was
this post was submitted on 17 Jun 2025
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This is what "blind to privilege" means.... LOL
I have had more than one. I am autistic with an anxiety disorder and ptsd and I had guys who aren't those things always talk to me about girls like I am super pick up master just because inam decently looking and in shape. They way they talked about their experiences made me kinda not want any, too...
And no matter how much I tried to explain my situation when asking for advice they just gave sabotaging and extremely vague advice that doesn't mean anything. I wasted away my 20s and a large part of my 30s because of shit like that.
The best advice is "women are people too, not some mystical being from outer space". They feel the same emotions, they get hungry, they get horny, they get anxious or shy too."
Look for people who think similarly to you. I found it that I mesh well with other people who are on the spectrum, have adhd, etc. Ultimately nothing matters when you can't approach someone, or go out of your way to find hobbies where you can find people with the same interests as you. So if you can't get over that (or accept a rejection), it won't work.
Also, don't focus on a single person, especially someone who doesn't return feelings / attention, or doesn't have time for you at all. Even the busiest person will find a tiny bit of time to meet with you if they really like you. Obsessing over a single person for years isn't the way to find love. Quoting a song by Tim Minchin, "your love is one in a million, but it doesn't mean that the other 999 999 loves wouldn't be equally nice". If you find someone who returns your feelings, you mesh with well, hold on for dear life.
The best advice is “women are people too, not some mystical being from outer space”. They feel the same emotions, they get hungry, they get horny, they get anxious or shy too."
Honestly, this is terrible advice for guys who are having trouble with women.
I only have real experience being me, and interacting with other people, for knowledge of what "people" are.
Let's say I'm in the park shooting hoops alone. I see someone else walking around in the park, not looking busy or in a hurry. I could wave at them and say "hey, wanna shoot some hoops?"
When I see a woman I'm attracted to, I want to fuck her. Personality, interests, etc - those are all nice and all. Those are things that make me want to hang out with a girl, spend time with her, talk to her. But if she has big tits and a thin waist, my penis says "hey, we should fuck her", and say "what a great idea, Penis!"
So based on my own personal internal experience of being human, my experience interacting with other humans in other contexts, and your advice that "women are just people" - what I should do is see a woman in the park, wave at her, and say "hey, wanna fuck?"
However, based on every other piece of information I have about how to interact with women, I am led to believe that I should not do this. So if women are just people, but I shouldn't interact with them in a way which is very understandable to me, then that must mean that I am not a normal person. That there is something wrong with me.
Now, based on the fact that I've already written this much, and the sheer fact that I'm here on Lemmy, this is probably a valid assumption. But sexually, it is not. Sexually, I'm a pretty normal guy. Guys are mostly aroused by people's physical forms and want sex immediately, with emotional connection being lower on the list of immediate priorities. This is very obvious if you simply look at a gay man's Grindr, where many men set a picture of their asshole as their leading profile pic and allow other users to see their location down to the meter so they can fuck Right. Now.
The reality is, men and women are different. At this point the gender studies crowd usually jumps in and says something about "gender essentialism", or about how "everyone is different." Great, everyone is different. But there are some broad trends we can observe, and for the purposes of heteronormative dating, we can fairly easily divide the world into men, women, and other, where "other" are largely irrelevant to the discussion since - if we are giving advice to heterosexual men - either you don't want to fuck them, or they don't want to fuck you. So we talk about men and women, and how you as a man should interact with women so that they will want to fuck you.
In order for a guy to improve at being fuckable, he needs to understand that women are different than him. That they want and expect different things. And this is fine. Yeah, women are people. But they are also women, and if you want to date women, you need to treat women like women like to be treated when they date someone.
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I feel like you missed step one there, mate.
Step 1. Be. A. God.
i mean people tend to like confidence, also you get to stop wallowing in ignorance. conventionally attractive or not, either they say yes or no and then you get to move forward from there. going from not knowing to knowing, that is a positive.
You should know when it is appropriate to ask and when not:
Don'ts:
- complete strangers
- people who cannot retreat, e.g. cashiers, waiters and the like, on a busy train/bus in an elevator etc.
- people clearly not in a space to socialize.
- asking for sex
- being ambigious about intentions
Do's:
- people you held a normal conversation with before
- in a space where they are comfortable and either party can leave easily if things get awkward
- being clear about it being a date
- public place with individual privacy, e.g. going out for a coffee
- no alcohol or other drugs
Don't forget the most important 2:
-
Be attractive
-
Don't be unattractive
Important note: While bullet point 1 may be about physical attractiveness, bullet point 2 is not.
What is attractive and unattractive is always relative. I have seen fat girls with thin guys. And fat guys with thin girls. Many people who seemingly had a major disconnect in looks. But both found one another attractive.
For me I am quite OK with a chubby gal as much as a petite gal. But I am not attracted to either extreme. I knew an anorexic-like skinny girl and I found her far less attractive than even a very obese girl. The anorexic gal generated some concern for me because she was clearly starving, but couldn't eat much. Not due to a fear of getting fat, but to a metabolic issue.
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This. Also, don't put them on the spot. If unsure, give your number and let them decide. If she's interested, she'll text, if not you haven't forced her to make a decision on the spot.
Definitely. Looking like Henry Cavill makes it easier, but confidence is really the main attraction. I know less attractive men sleep with Victoria's Secret-type women. And there is actually a study on men who are perpetually single, and the common denominator is being under-confident. But at the same time, you don't want to be overconfident and thus arrogant.
oh totally. my wife is gorgeous, and she spent a bit too much time in our social circles single because everyone (myself included) was too intimidated to ask her out. we were friends for ages, she started giving me a hard time about having her number for like eight years but never asking her on a date, my ego wasn't going to stand for that and here we are.
To be fair, it took her years to ask you to ask her. She could have just asked too.
My wife asked me out. Only time a woman has ever done that to me. Only time she had ever done it. I thought she was attractive but I honestly didn't expect that. Knowing what I know about her now, it took a lot of courage for her to do that.
She shot her shot and hit a bullseye. There are no good reasons for women to spend all their time waiting on men to initiate.
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Let's be honest. Henry doesn't have to ask.
Sooooo..... we're doing incel shit posting now?
This sort of black pill doomerism seriously destroys your mental health. You don't have to be a Chad to find a girlfriend friends, but thinking your not "conventionally attractive" enough to date is a self fulfilling prophecy.
I just thought it was funny personally.
It is, but they are also right.
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Apparently we're also going to mix it with deeply toxic envy of celebrities for seasoning.
Imagine how happy the world would be if people suddenly stopped wishing they were someone else and just realized that they only get one fucking chance to live life and every moment you spend wishing you were someone else is just a massive fucking disservice to yourself and people in your life.
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..yes? That's what you have to do. Maybe she says no. Maybe she says yes. Doing nothing definitely won't get you anywhere.
The issue is the "always works for me", the same way an old white man is going to have a lot less trouble with the police or telling a handicapped person to just walk the stairs because it "always works for me".
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If she says no it doesn't come without consequences. You can't talk to her anymore without it being awkward, and if she's part of a larger friend group you're in the embarrassment is even worse.
You're overthinking it. I know because I do the same. But realistically most women are quite relieved when you can take a kind "no" in stride because the bar is so low in this regard.
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If you accept rejection with dignity, it's not that big a deal. Don't be a creeper. It's not that embarrassing. And if your friend group is cruel about it, that's good to know. They'd be assholes in that case, and you probably want to find out they're assholes in a low stakes situation.
If you've asked in a friendly way, without putting stress on her, and accepted the 'no' without making a fuss and in the same friendly way, it doesn't tend to cause difficulty in my experience.
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So I recently found out my ex wife had a type. A type she desperately wanted me to fit into. A type that she would make me go to clothing stores for specific shirts that look good on pretty much no one but Henry Cavill.
I did not look like Henry Cavill. Turns out around the time we divorce she goes through this phase swooning over Henry Cavill. Then she cheats on me with a dude I don't know the name of (except I've unfortunately seen his dick) and low and behold he has this kind Henry Cavill build.
Fast forward several years to now. I lost about 100lbs. Started lifting. Getting swole cause it was fun now that my body was smaller. Ate more protein, added creatine. Drink lots of water. I need different shirts. I dig out some old shirts, the only ones that sort of fit well are the ones she got at clothing stores that look good on pretty much no one but Henry Cavill. Turns out they still don't look good on me, not because I'm not Henry Cavill, but I'm not a fuckboy.
I searched this text because I thought it might be copypasta. Great read lmao
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Ok so yes looking like Henry Cavill helps but how do you expect to go on a date with someone you like without asking them out? An amulet of Mara?
Step 1. Be a young male with a terrible home life and only male friends, learn to communicate only through irony and sarcasm, preserve a culture of condemning or making fun of any genuine expressions of emotion or empathy from others because it's "cringe."
Step 2. Have ONE date in your teens in high-school with another teen who has no idea what she's doing either, have it end badly as most teen relationships do.
Step 3. Use that experience to color your entire world-view for the rest of your life and start consuming manosphere content to relieve yourself of the discomfort of remembering how terrible that one romantic experience went. "It's not you, it's her!" should be echoing in your head every day.
Step 4. Really internalize other people's ideas, thoughts and experiences as long as it validates what you're feeling. Distance yourself from women even further, convince yourself they have nothing to offer you and are less-than-human so you have nothing you can learn from a "female."
Step 5. Don't forget to hate yourself most of all, wallow in your virginity like it's your entire sense of self, think about sex constantly and hate yourself for it, develop a crushing porn habit that dulls your ability to feel pleasure from daily life. Self-medicate with games, escapism and drugs and alcohol. Ruminate on your depressive thoughts until you've picked your emotions raw like a scab that won't heal.
Step 6. Make your disgust for women part of your entire identity, develop political views that also validate these feelings, avoid people in your life different from yourself lest they remind you that there are alternative perspectives in the world, only your own experiences and your own misery matters. Scowl in disgust when you see an attractive woman with a man, have dark, violent fantasies about having power, control, and bad things happening to people who aren't you. Over-correct your sense of masculinity to an absurd degree, avoid the color pink, don't touch your own ass in the shower, sneer in disgust at any attempt by others to reach you and talk about life or offer advice, they're just NPC's and are brainwashed by liberal media! None of this is real! We're in The Matrix people!!
Step 7. A beautiful, submissive woman who fits all your ideals will now approach you and beg you to marry her. You will live happily ever after.
It works 100% of the time.
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I don't know where I saw it, and I can't seem to find it again, but I remember one video where a girl uses Cavill as an example of what SOME women find attractive. He's good-looking, yes, but what really got her was how he can talk about his interests with such passion. I'm obviously paraphrasing.
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