Hi dad, unfortunately my biological dad doesn't offer me his support, so I write here.
I am 26 years old and I am living with my parents but I really wish I had the energies to move out. My parents are physically abusive towards one another, my mother suffers from schizophrenia and thinks everyone hates her, uses me as a punchbag for her emotions and criticizes all of my choices. My father cheats on her and is emotionally unavailable for me. If I were a normal person I'd just head out of here, but unfortunately "normal" I am not as I myself suffer from diagnosed general (and quite strong) anxiety and I think some depression as well and everything seems so difficult for me.
I also feel really ashamed for having failed college, sometimes I even feel 'stupid' because of it. Now I’m working as an unskilled employee, and it makes me afraid to move out because I constantly worry: will I be able to find another job?
On top of that, I feel a lot of pressure at work. I’m the only one who can maintain and develop the company’s software. While we have other team members, like an AI prompt engineer, a backup engineer, several people in sales, and a graphic designer, I’m the only actual developer. My colleagues have told me that if I left it would be very difficult for them to keep things running, and some even said they'd have to quit too. That kind of responsibility weighs heavily on me.
I'd also love to go back at college but time is running up before I lose the credits I acquired. But I don't know how I could study while also maintaining myself with a full time job.
Sorry dad for pouring all that on you. I really don't know what to do and I feel really lost. A hug would be more than enough.
Hey there,
We have a lot in common, you and I. I was diagnosed with general anxiety after self medicating myself to alcoholism. Therapy and medication both helped me and now I take 100mg of Sertraline to manage it. You are more normal than you think; many people are fighting hidden mental health battles.
I too "failed" college but it didn't stop me from learning and growing and building a career in IT. Your value and your capability are not determined by a degree. You are a skilled employee and you can build on that skill without the traditional school method, if you want. Depending on where you are IT is a tough market right now. It doesn't hurt to find out what else is out there and get practice interviewing, but if the market is tight it's better to only leave your current job if you have a new one lined up.
Now about your current job. If you are the only one who can maintain and develop the company’s software and you're coworkers are telling you how vital you are then you have leverage to request a pay increase. If you want to go elsewhere then you should do that. You need to take care of yourself and your own well being first.
As the great Bill Withers once sang, "You just call on me, brother, when you need a hand. We all need somebody to lean on. I just might have a problem that you'll understand. We all need somebody to lean on."
🤗
Holy crap, better living through chemistry. Between certaline, delayed release Adderall, and counseling, I'm doing way better. It's wild to look back on where I was at. Frankly I'm glad I made it through at all.
All that said, things can and do get better.