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this post was submitted on 27 Oct 2023
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Just because they will be 100% unwilling to admit to you that they are actually physically experiencing the feeling of doubt, does not mean it isn't actually happening.
Don't expect them to be honest about what's going on inside them though. They value fighting, never giving up, persistence, dedication, loyalty, strength, power, confidence and security. None of these things makes it more likely for them to admit to you when something they disagree with might sound reasonable.
It's a defense mechanism. Can't just give it permission to function though.
You do have to back off before you actually infuriate them though, as the emotion of anger will strengthen the defense mechanisms dramatically. Better to walk away having peacefully left some food for thought. You can't convince them though, being so readily convinced would itself be unacceptable to them, just on principle.
This. Best explanation I ever heard of narcissism is that we all eventually reach a point where we feel intense shame. It's a chasm. Some people look at it, fall in, and never recover. Some people look at it, realize the danger, and stay away from the edge but don't run screaming.
And some people see it, and become so terrified, that they pretend it never happened and will fight anyone who reminds them of the shame.
That's the narcissists, which are empowered by systems of religious dogma. Very often they're least faithful - they're just lying to avoid anyone around them finding out.