Thank you Nome @NomedaBarbarian
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@NomedaBarbarian on Twitter:
Thinking about how I've been lied to as an #ADHD person about what habits are.
That apparently is not what neurotypical folks get to experience.
Habits are things that they do without thinking.
They don't have to decide to do them. They don't have to remember to do them. Things just happen, automatically, because they've done them enough for that system to engage and make them automatic.
That system...which I lack.
Every single time I have brushed my teeth, it's been an active choice. I've had to devote thought and attention to it. It's not a routine, it's not a habit, it's something that I know is good to do, and hopefully I can remember to do it.
Every single time I exercise, or floss, or pay my rent, or drink water, or say "bless you" when someone sneezes,
It's because I've had to actively and consciously engage the protocol.
It never gets easier.
Just more familiar.
It's part of my struggle with my weight--exercise never becomes a habit, and every single time I do it, it is exactly as hard as the first time. It takes exactly as much willpower & thought.
I got lied to about how it would just "turn into a habit". And blamed, when it didn't.
Drinking water isn't a habit. Feeding myself isn't a habit. Bathing isn't a habit.
I spend so much more energy, so much more time, so much more labor on just managing to maintain my fucking meat suit.
And now you want me to ALSO do taxes?
ON TIME?
It's fine. Just always be present. 100% of the time. Always be aware of what you are doing, what you need to do, and what you are doing next. Don't forget to be thinking about what is happening today. Also, keep in mind what is happening next week.
Pretty sure I forgot to take my stomach pill today. The same pill I take every morning, for about 7 years.
Oops.
I did neurofeedback training a while back in order to hopefully do something about being an inattentive scatterbrain. They did a brain map, and even though I was expecting "forgetfullness" on the results, my anxiety was registered as through the roof, which was not at all something I expected or felt was a problem for me.
My doctor asked me a few questions, and it turns out that constantly running multi-tiered to-do lists through you head as you do other daily activities - like problem-solving at work and holding conversations - in order to remember everything you need to do is not, in fact, normal behavior.
This is why it's so hard to have these conversations with neurotypicals in particular. A majority of the time, NDs don't even know what they're struggling with because it's so automatic at this stage. And when things get boiled down to "nobody just runs a marathon automatically without deciding to lol silly!" it gets even more challenging.
I so relate to this. I listen to audiobooks or podcasts all the time because it keeps my brain partially occupied. Forgetting to take meds is a huge issue for me. I'm asthmatic and need to take an inhaler twice a day. I've been using an inhaler for 35 years and I still can't remember regulary. I'm broken.
Podcasts and audiobooks are great for keeping the mind amused while doing representative tasks.
And at the same time think about that time someone was mean to you 8 years ago
Can't. I'm too busy planning projects that I will either start now or do later.
Yea, i do that too, except i actively work on all of them, most of my projects are it/server projects for for my self, but i do work on like 10 projects at a time, though because i dont have money for an expensive server, i use an old computer that currently cant do any of the things i need from it, so im just slowly upgrading it
Are you me? Seriously, I have been slowly migrating my windows primary machine to a Mint system. I bought my first M.2 NVME and am loving the responsiveness.
The drives coming out of there are going to my file server, which is all the components I was using before the upgrade.