this post was submitted on 09 Dec 2023
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I've seen plenty of short men date taller women. And I have a mate who is 5'4" but managed to sleep with a 5'6" coworker.
It's not always about the height or muscles. It's the confidence.
Dating apps are bad and superficial. You're better off going out more in real life. People in person are less judgemental than in apps. And even if a girl rejects you-- either on apps or in real life-- who cares? If someone doesn't like you, they can bugger off. You're not under obligation to please everyone. There are plenty of fishes in the sea.
Just wondering, where would I go in real life? I can't really go to the bar, and the thought of approaching someone in like, a cafe, is horrifying (I'm trans so super worried about being seen as a creep)
I don't really have advise for lgbt as I am straight so my experience may not necessarily be accurate for you. But I think it's safe to say that the broad process on how to meet others for potential partner is universal regardless of gender. I admit I'm far from being Casanova, but people in bars or clubs who are interested send signals, like eye contact, smiling, inviting you to the dance floor, etc. It sets queue that you can approach them without looking creepy. But that's not even foolproof because sometimes a person may only be looking for attention as he/she may have a partner all along.
Another avenue to meet people would be taking part in social clubs and interest groups. You would be sharing common interests so it would be easier to have conversations. Hobby groups and social clubs don't usually involve alcohol so if you're not into drinking then that's a good way to meet people.
sometimes it's not even about the confidence. sometimes people fuck, sometimes people marry, (sometimes people kill? idk) and it wasn't related to any particular thing.
You have a point but find someone who would be interested for being you. But the common denominator is that confidence is sexy regardless of sex and gender. I'm a straight male but i also like women who are confident. Of course there is a line between confidence and arrogance.
You're not wrong that some people "settle for less", but maybe it depends where you are where the average height in a population is taller. I live in Ireland where the average height is said to be 5'9" according to Wikipedia, but there are still many shorter people. And many men date taller women or of their same height, and they are also the same age bracket. My mate and the coworker he had a fling with are both in their mid twenty's. And mind you, I admit that my friend is not the best looking man you'll see and he looks older for his age, but he has charisma and said coworker looks younger and the model type.
If you're in Netherlands where the average height is 5'8" to 6 feet thereabouts, then yeah, people who are 5'5" could be seen as rare in that society and dating could be harder with those stature in the country.
I don't know where you live and the general demographic in your place or of those who mentioned dating shorter men and fat women are "settling for less", but it could also be sampling bias too. You and others may only remember short person/fat woman pairing because they looked odd enough by social standards.
What other people told you about may be true, but don't let it get into your head. Not all people are shallow. Women aren't mythical creatures who are to be put on pedestal. There are many women who priotitise personality and confidence more than looks. If you internalise negative externalities, it will manifest outwardly and undermine your confidence. Which will turn off women. If short and/or less good looking men manages to get dates-- the women in which either in these mens' own league or not-- then you and others could too. Confidence and personality is what matters more. And let me tell you, I met better looking, taller and high-income earning men who don't get dates because they haven't shown enough confidence and interesting enough personalities.