this post was submitted on 24 Jan 2024
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That really is one of the best parts of being with someone that will let you be vulnerable as a guy.
We talk about toxic masculinity online, but can can you imagine having to keep that front of "manly man" up even when you're in bed with your spouse/SO? How fucking cruel a world that is.
Sometimes, when you're a man, you end up having to shove all that stress down so you can handle things. Having someone that not only recognizes that, but reaches out to help when it's finally safe to let go of the bullshit is just miraculous. Not having to be the big spoon, to have someone comfort and shelter you, to be your strength when you've run out of it. That's beautiful.
Indeed, it seems that many women have a hard time relating to how difficult it is to be a man in the modern world, especially when you're being told you are undesirable, toxic, and expendable literally everywhere you go these days.
That's why I love this meme though, because instead of fighting fire with fire and demonizing or disparaging women, it encourages a more tender and wholesome solution to the problem.
I fully agree. It's a beautiful meme :)
What's ridiculous is that there are plenty of people who will complain about toxic masculinity, but then tell men to man up, or quit being a bitch if they actually let their guard down. Lots of people have very big double standards between what they think they want, and what they actually want.
Yeah I've heard some women I've dated complain about men not being honest with their feelings and then when one is suddenly they "have the ick" like, seriously? Just be consistent. Don't tell me to be open and then when I tell you about my fears and worries act like I'm a pussy for not being able to handle it myself. I could have, but you wanted it this way and now you're not attracted to me anymore.
Speaking from the male perspective, I've struggled with this as well. Sometimes it seems being tacit is "rewarded" by esteem.
So firstly, that is a sign that your partner may not be the one for you. But secondly, many of us men do not know how to communicate our emotions very well. We tend to think a breakdown is communication, when that's just as explosion - a loss of control, maybe because the actual emotional communication didn't come soon enough.
I fared a lot better after I payed attention to how women navigate this stuff amongst themselves. They often go back and forth very rapidly with tiny emotionally charged statements, and do lots of following up and outreach. Sometimes they'll do nice stuff for each other that doesn't make sense until you realise it's tied to some other thing.
Lots of multidimensional supporting and being supported going back. And if it's not going both ways, or the sines aren't syncing, then that just means that particular relationship is not 10/10 and that's ok.
Yeah, every time I've allowed myself to be emotionally vulnerable with a woman I was dating it was like a switch flipped on her attraction to me. Nothing was the same after that and I'd much prefer to have sex regularly than have a shoulder to cry on, so I won't be doing that again. Whenever I mention that I always get told "you're just dating the wrong people". Which, ok maybe, but I've never exactly had options lining up around the block.
I'll never understand women who don't want a sensitive or emotionally open man. For me, I can't stand men who aren't. When a man is open about his emotions, it makes me feel like he's going to understand better when I get emotional, which is important to me because it happens a lot (bottled up trauma and such.) It's not just something I look for in partners, but also friends.
But I may also have a bit of a different perspective due to being trans and remembering what it's like to be a guy having to bottle everything up until one day I explode in a vicious cycle. It makes me feel good to be somebody's outlet knowing that I can take a little weight off and help keep them from having to go through what I did.
Just reading this brings tears to my eyes, man. Sometimes you just want to be the little spoon.
Amen to that.