this post was submitted on 30 Jan 2024
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Would someone please help me understand when using "they" as a catch-all pronoun is transphobic? (hexbear.net)
submitted 8 months ago by Acute_Engles@hexbear.net to c/askchapo@hexbear.net
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I've seen a few posts recently calling people out for using "they" when referring to someone with gendered or neo pronouns.

As a long time dumb guy I was under the impression that gender neutral pronouns were basically always acceptable and I'm now concerned that I have been unintentionally making people uncomfortable.

My current understanding based on context is that once someone has made their pronouns known, unless specifically included, 'they' is no longer acceptable. Thank you in advance for taking the time to help me out

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[–] lapis@hexbear.net 3 points 8 months ago (1 children)

I still remember how in the first days of federation

This is fair, I forget how... not good it was back then. But I think at this point it's reasonable to expect Hexbear users commenting outside Hexbear to realize pronoun display isn't a given.

And don't even get me started on the cesspool that's reddit.

I'm so, so glad I'm not there on the regular anymore – it's strictly for periodic research lookups nowadays, and I try to not even use it for that except when absolutely necessary.

It's honestly kinda mean to call it "ridiculous" when trans people in an environment like that overreact to something that, while unintended, is still objectively very hurtful from that person's perspective.

I think I'm just too compartmentalized to understand this. I don't really take psychic damage from people mis-assuming my gender, so long as they change tracks when I correct them. But will edit my phrasing to be less potentially-hurtful, my bad there.