this post was submitted on 09 Feb 2024
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me_irl
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I needed to read this, thank you!! Been healing from some related fallout with my birth family, and figuring out what that means for me and my life going forward. I now recognize the damage one can potentially do by finding their life's meaning through their kids. Not only does it make the child emotionally responsible for the parent, it also leads to inevitable blowout when expectations aren't met.
I have no desire to repeat that damage and can't conceive anyway so kids no longer factor into my life. It's opened a number of other wonderful and fulfilling opportunities, but the FOMO and fear of isolation when I get older definitely gets to me sometimes. I'm the youngest person I know by a lot... gonna need to fix that in the next 40 years or so or life's going to get real depressing. I want to, in some small way, help build the world that comes after me, and rescinding parenthood means figuring out what the hell that even means now, and that's terrifying. Maybe I'll teach someday, or something.
People will come and go throughout your life and I completely understand that is a really scary concept for most folks. Blood family connections are mostly a given in life (whether you want them or not) but all other connections are something you have to consciously work at. You just have to keep an open mind and look for opportunities to form those connections with others. Maybe you'll become a mentor for some else going through a similar life situation. Maybe you'll get "adopted" by an elder who has love to give. And maybe you'll become an auntie/uncle to nibblings (blood relatives or adopted). None of these roles will give you the real experience of parenthood and that's ok because every role is valid and there is no guarantee in life that says we get to experience them all. You'll find that the roles you come to fill and work on are the ones you really need in the end.