this post was submitted on 09 Feb 2024
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I need to pass a drug test on which my entire future depends. I need help and am freaking the fuck out. (hexbear.net)
submitted 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) by GingusBingus@hexbear.net to c/askchapo@hexbear.net
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So I landed a really nice job with a really cool company and they plan on hiring me this March, but before they can do that I need to pass a drug test. My manager personally doesn't care whether or not I smoke weed but I live in a state where weed is illegal, and the company does care and would bar me from hiring if I were to fail a drug test.

I was stupid and smoked a fuck ton of weed last Sunday (before I knew that A; I need to take a drug test in the first place, and B; that weed can remain present in urine for up to (and possibly over) 30 days in frequent smokers (which I am)). This would originally have been fine if it weren't for the fact that after agreeing to the background check, I would be scheduled for a drug test by the 13th (within 4 days). So my original plan to just drink a shit ton of water to flush myself out within a month wouldn't work.

I also had a plan to sneak in a jar of my sober friend's pee but then I learned that you're actually required to pee in front of the observer so that plan wouldn't work either.

So basically I'm fucked and I don't know what to do :( My future pretty much depends on this job and I don't know what I would do if I were to fuck this opportunity up. What do I do?

Also, idk how relevant this is but I'm 5'9" (~175 cm), 160 lbs (~72.6 kg), AMAB, and very infrequently exercise. I also have POTS so I sweat frequently and have poor water retention.

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[–] Des@hexbear.net 5 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

ok. i was in some programs for years and had to do weekly tests. still smoked heavily just stopped a few days before each.

here's what i did. your mileage my vary.

drink cranberry juice or other diuretic morning before. make sure you piss constantly on the way to the test. pee in a bottle on the way to the test. that one is key. the metabolites are excreted from fat cells into your blood at a steady but very slowly decreasing rate. they accumulate in the bladder. you want the bladder constantly emptying itself so there is little time for accumulation.
take a B12 supplement if you need darker urine but since it's a job test not a punitive one i think that's not neccessary.

NOTE: you can't "flush" before the test. the rate is steady. the "flushing" is only the day of. not "flushing" as much as "get a constant flow rate to prevent accumulation". either way just keeping drinking liquids that make you pee before the test. you want to have peed many, many times. you want to avoid holding a full bladder before testing so timing may be key. private test companies often are cool with letting you just go when you need to. they won't play tricks or make you wait to get a dark sample or anything.

since you still have time try this out and buy a self test strip and test yourself.