this post was submitted on 18 Mar 2024
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Ah, the dead man's switch. It always reminds me of the time my homophobic uncle-in-law died in a car crash and they found his secret stash of gay porn in the wreckage. Yeah, good luck explaining that one at the pearly gates my man.
What a brave man. While trying to protect the society from the evils of homosexualiness (rainbows, questionable moustaches, etc), he still tried to study the enemy to understand their flawed logic. 🫡
He was trying to keep all the gay porn for himself
Opposition research, duh
man not only had a secret stash, he kept it in his fucking car
that means he was either going back and forth between the wank cave and the honda every session or he fapped in or around his car
Hearing them tell it, you would think they were more upset about the stash than his death.
I like to think it was both. He probably crashed because he was fapping in the car on the way to the wank cave to swap the fap cache. At least then he died doing what he loved.
Come to think of it, I'm reminded of a detail that may corroborate my theory. He was ejected from the car when it rolled. It actually pancaked his head, leaving the rest of him pretty intact.
Anyway, he clearly wasn't wearing a seatbelt. So now I'm thinking why wasn't he wearing it? And why was his dick out when they found him? I guess God is mysterious or whatever he used to like to say.